Day 14 → A hero that has let you down.

I don’t have a lot of hero’s…I definitely am not the type of person that “follows” a star or politician. I don’t watch TV so I kind of miss out on all the drama of those two types of professions. I’ll occasionally look through a People Magazine in line at the grocery store but I have no idea who some of those people are. I truly just don’t care enough to follow them.


So I tend to make people in my life my hero’s. My old boss was one of them and really kind of let me down.



I worked for my boss for 3 years or so when he decided to hire someone that would act as level higher than me but lower than him. He was taking on too many things and just needed to bring someone in to act as a Senior IT Manager. I knew I would not get that position so I didn’t apply for it. At my review, he told me that he was disappointed that I hadn’t even applied. I told him that I knew I would not get the position and he told me that it was not up to me if I would have gotten it. He has ALWAYS been so good to me. When I went into the Psych hospital in 2007, he came and visited me. He CAME AND VISITED ME…he was a champion for me. He was present in my recovery and helped me navigate the long road to getting used to the meds and all the appointments. I was probably out sick more than in the office in 2008 but he never got on my case about it. We would talk…just talk. About the divorce, the meds, my practice husband, what I was doing that weekend…everything. I totally respected and admired him. Not only is he the smartest person I know, he’s a very good person.



So, when he hired my new boss, I kind of felt abandoned. But I understood the need for the new layer. THEN…my new boss (we’ll call him Dick) started and wanted to just take over and change everything. He was condescending and doesn’t listen. Anytime he is talking to me he would ask if he needed to get the Fisher Price pictures out. Yes…he said that. And then he kept telling me who to go talk to…I’ve been here 10 ½ years…I know who to talk to. This just exacerbated the fact that I felt like I was being punished.



Then, one Thursday I’m on a conference call with Dick and a couple of other people when he asks if anyone has anything they want to talk about. I immediately start the talk because I know the other 2 are not very willing to talk. Dick immediately YELLED at me to stop talking, that I talk enough; he didn’t want to hear it. Well…that pissed me off so I didn’t talk the rest of the conference call. I hung up and burst into tears. It wasn’t just the way he talked to me (although that was rude and unprofessional) but it was the whole situation. And I am not a weeper. I was so frustrated and hurt that I called my old boss because I needed someone to understand what Dick was doing to me. And I HATE crying but I couldn’t stop. So I called my old boss and spilled my guts about what he said, how he was treating me and how I felt that I couldn’t trust Dick. And my old boss said it was unfortunate that Dick talked to me that way but that I just needed to work harder. Build those relationships…which I know I don’t do a good job at but I don’t believe that all of this would be cured if I were to just get Dick to come over for a BBQ and start swapping fishing stories…that’s not me and it’s not going to happen.



So my old boss abandoned me and left me out in the cold. I hadn’t talked to him in weeks. We literally sit 25 feet from each other. I felt like I was no longer worthwhile in his eyes. How could he just stop talking to me? Wanting to know what I did for the weekend. Were our interactions just superficial?

I guess this is a good lesson in being my own boss, in a sense.  I need to be my own champion because not a lot of corporations are as involved with their employees. I've been lucky the last 10 years, that I've had a company that really wanted to invest in my career.  I can't expect everyone that I work with to be like that.  I'm going to step up and be more present in my job and do it to the best of my ability; regardless of who supervises me.