Unrealistically, I hope I never lose a loved one, that I'll never lose a job or a limb. But I guess my real hope is that I hope I never lose my desire to live my life. For so many years, I had zero desire to love, laugh or live. I just was in so much pain being me that I truly hoped to die...anytime. If I had an guts it would have been long ago.
But now I hope that I never go back to the way I used to be before I came in the program. That I have to think about all the ways to kill myself. How I was hoping that it would just happen randomly. I never thought about what it would do to others, I just wanted to stop feeling pain. To stop being so sad.
I hope I never have to lose my sense of self and what an amazing thing it is to be able to just breathe. If that is my only job in life (to breathe) then I'm going to do my absolute best to continue to do what my higher power wants from me.
I just have to listen to him and wait for instructions. I hope I'm listening...
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