Day 14 → A hero that has let you down.

I don’t have a lot of hero’s…I definitely am not the type of person that “follows” a star or politician. I don’t watch TV so I kind of miss out on all the drama of those two types of professions. I’ll occasionally look through a People Magazine in line at the grocery store but I have no idea who some of those people are. I truly just don’t care enough to follow them.


So I tend to make people in my life my hero’s. My old boss was one of them and really kind of let me down.



I worked for my boss for 3 years or so when he decided to hire someone that would act as level higher than me but lower than him. He was taking on too many things and just needed to bring someone in to act as a Senior IT Manager. I knew I would not get that position so I didn’t apply for it. At my review, he told me that he was disappointed that I hadn’t even applied. I told him that I knew I would not get the position and he told me that it was not up to me if I would have gotten it. He has ALWAYS been so good to me. When I went into the Psych hospital in 2007, he came and visited me. He CAME AND VISITED ME…he was a champion for me. He was present in my recovery and helped me navigate the long road to getting used to the meds and all the appointments. I was probably out sick more than in the office in 2008 but he never got on my case about it. We would talk…just talk. About the divorce, the meds, my practice husband, what I was doing that weekend…everything. I totally respected and admired him. Not only is he the smartest person I know, he’s a very good person.



So, when he hired my new boss, I kind of felt abandoned. But I understood the need for the new layer. THEN…my new boss (we’ll call him Dick) started and wanted to just take over and change everything. He was condescending and doesn’t listen. Anytime he is talking to me he would ask if he needed to get the Fisher Price pictures out. Yes…he said that. And then he kept telling me who to go talk to…I’ve been here 10 ½ years…I know who to talk to. This just exacerbated the fact that I felt like I was being punished.



Then, one Thursday I’m on a conference call with Dick and a couple of other people when he asks if anyone has anything they want to talk about. I immediately start the talk because I know the other 2 are not very willing to talk. Dick immediately YELLED at me to stop talking, that I talk enough; he didn’t want to hear it. Well…that pissed me off so I didn’t talk the rest of the conference call. I hung up and burst into tears. It wasn’t just the way he talked to me (although that was rude and unprofessional) but it was the whole situation. And I am not a weeper. I was so frustrated and hurt that I called my old boss because I needed someone to understand what Dick was doing to me. And I HATE crying but I couldn’t stop. So I called my old boss and spilled my guts about what he said, how he was treating me and how I felt that I couldn’t trust Dick. And my old boss said it was unfortunate that Dick talked to me that way but that I just needed to work harder. Build those relationships…which I know I don’t do a good job at but I don’t believe that all of this would be cured if I were to just get Dick to come over for a BBQ and start swapping fishing stories…that’s not me and it’s not going to happen.



So my old boss abandoned me and left me out in the cold. I hadn’t talked to him in weeks. We literally sit 25 feet from each other. I felt like I was no longer worthwhile in his eyes. How could he just stop talking to me? Wanting to know what I did for the weekend. Were our interactions just superficial?

I guess this is a good lesson in being my own boss, in a sense.  I need to be my own champion because not a lot of corporations are as involved with their employees. I've been lucky the last 10 years, that I've had a company that really wanted to invest in my career.  I can't expect everyone that I work with to be like that.  I'm going to step up and be more present in my job and do it to the best of my ability; regardless of who supervises me.

30 days of posting

 I'm totally stealing this from a blog I came across. I've since lost who the blog was between copy and pasting. My Internet Explorer crashed on me between them and luckily I tend to start my posts in Word to make sure all my grammar and spelling are correct so I didn’t lose this whole thing…just the blog I was on to swipe this from. F'ing Microsoft bastards.


I like the idea of opening up a little bit about myself and letting all 3 (yes...I now have 3 followers!!!!! I'm going pro!) people that follow my blog know so much about me. So here is what I'm going to write about for the next 30 days:


Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself



Just to set expectations now….don't expect a post every single day for the next 30 'cause that’s a pretty big commitment and I just know me. Now, I could surprise all of us and do it every day. Don’t be upset if we’re doing this over the next 3 months…I do promise to have this done before January 1!!


So, Day 1 -- here's something I hate about myself: I hate my desperate and pathetic need to be the center of attention. I like to think I'm a confident person who likes who she is and believes in herself, but my perverse need for attention stands in stark contrast to that perception. I try very hard to be less of an attention-whore, but I just don't have as much fun socially if I'm not dominating the conversation or having everyone all around me hang on every word of my fascinating stories Fortunately I'm blessed to have friends who don't seem to care and love me anyway even though I hog the spotlight, but I still feel like a dick the next day when I realize how much of a jerk I was. I really beat myself up over this but I can't seem to stop.



Well, that was fun! Let's hope Day 2 can keep this momentum going!