Thursday, October 7, 2010

Man Legs

In addition to being Bipolar and an alcoholic...I have a syndrome too.  I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  Which really boils down to me being hairy, fat and infertile.  I mean really on all three.

I don't ovulate.  Have never, even after thousands of dollars and dozens of treatments.  I could not pop out one little egg...BUT, I can pop out a 5 o'clock shadow on my chin in about 5 minutes after plucking.    I found hair in places that I swore never was supposed to have hair. I have spent thousands on hair removal...and that shit is not cheap or painless.  But I refuse to look like a Russian Fishwife in my mid 30's.

I have not been shaving my legs in the winter on a regular basis.  Mostly that is because I am not and have not been seeing anyone for the last 3 years.  I did make a conscious effort last summer to keep them shaved every week because I was wearing a lot of dresses but the fall is upon us and I'm growing it out again.  And when I say growing it out, I really mean that I shave every 2 weeks or so...

The problem is that I can shave and about the time I'm toweling off, I get goosebumps and all my hard effort is for naught.  I have NEVER had the baby smooth legs.  I have a constant presence of shadow on my legs.  And forget about my thighs...oye!!!!

One year, I went 6 months without shaving.  I was actually pretty proud of that fact until my mom saw it. I felt a little like the bearded lady at a circus because she just kind of stared and shook her head.  She wanted to get a closer look and touch it, just to see if it was real.  I shaved that night. Took me about 20 minutes...maybe I shouldn't be so proud of that....

I would give up a lot of things to ensure that I had baby smooth legs. I truly would do a lot...but I guess I just have to deal with the cards I'm dealt and resign myself to years of shaving. Maybe I could start a trend and bring back the French mentality of not shaving...





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