Next Week

I had Chinese tonight..which is a huge treat lately.  I'm starting to get some traction with the money issues.  Starting here on, it gets a little more flush.  Doesn't mean I go back to the way it was and I get myself back into a tight bind. No, my intention is to continue to live frugally and put together some savings.

But...I sense a setback.

I've had a really shitty couple of weeks.  Work mostly.  I have talked on here about my boss "Dick" and our exploits.  I have only told you the stuff that was pretty vanilla.  They were still more that maybe a little exasperated tales but still not very worrying.

Well, this week our love/hate relationship went pro.  The {expletive removed} actually took credit for my work AND he told me about it.  Came right up to my office, sat on the corner of my desk (closest to me even...freaking geek) and told me that he told my client about the idea and she wants him to go.  MOFO....I hit the roof.  No...hit the roof was when he would ask me to fill out paperwork....no, this....I lit the fuck up...I was so angry at that moment that I just sat there and stared at him.  I will admit that I very happyily plotted his death for the next 2 hours and then I started calling people.  I was shaking for the rest of the day.  I put some time in with some paperwork.  I was kind of hoping that I was over reacting and I just needed to calm down.  But the few people I talked to agreed that I was right to be angry.

Of course, I did nothing about it.  But this week seemed to be Dick's job to stab Shannon in the back.  I worked late for most of the week and I just put my head down and took it.  But today...today I told the prick to do it himself.  Today, I told him what to do.  And today, I took a little bit of my pride back. 

Next week will be better because I've hit my limit.  I can no longer take his bullshit and lies.  I refuse to chuckle along when he makes remarks about how bored he is at his job.  And I will definitely no longer take his attitude. 

I have been looking for another job and as much as I hate to leave my company, I think it's time.  But in the meantime? I'm watching the little fucker and I'm taking notes.  That shit's gotta end.

So the setback comes in the form of anger which turns to depression which manifests itself in buying things and food.  Two things I do not want to go back to.  So, I guess, what do I do?  Start buying chewing gum and chew when I'm ready to start heating up a family portion of lasagna?  Do I wear a rubberband on my wrist and thwack myself when I want to buy a small fortune of diet coke?  I'm not sure I have the answers to this but I'm looking!

Next week is going to be different because it has to be...I can't do what I've been doing anymore. I'm missing out on life and friends. I want a life back.

Now I just need to find a way to work with Dick.

Santa's measuring stick

see more Sketchy Santas

I know where some people in my life fall. If you have to ask yourself which book you're in...you're probably a dick.

Thanks Tracy!

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down.

I don’t have a lot of hero’s…I definitely am not the type of person that “follows” a star or politician. I don’t watch TV so I kind of miss out on all the drama of those two types of professions. I’ll occasionally look through a People Magazine in line at the grocery store but I have no idea who some of those people are. I truly just don’t care enough to follow them.


So I tend to make people in my life my hero’s. My old boss was one of them and really kind of let me down.



I worked for my boss for 3 years or so when he decided to hire someone that would act as level higher than me but lower than him. He was taking on too many things and just needed to bring someone in to act as a Senior IT Manager. I knew I would not get that position so I didn’t apply for it. At my review, he told me that he was disappointed that I hadn’t even applied. I told him that I knew I would not get the position and he told me that it was not up to me if I would have gotten it. He has ALWAYS been so good to me. When I went into the Psych hospital in 2007, he came and visited me. He CAME AND VISITED ME…he was a champion for me. He was present in my recovery and helped me navigate the long road to getting used to the meds and all the appointments. I was probably out sick more than in the office in 2008 but he never got on my case about it. We would talk…just talk. About the divorce, the meds, my practice husband, what I was doing that weekend…everything. I totally respected and admired him. Not only is he the smartest person I know, he’s a very good person.



So, when he hired my new boss, I kind of felt abandoned. But I understood the need for the new layer. THEN…my new boss (we’ll call him Dick) started and wanted to just take over and change everything. He was condescending and doesn’t listen. Anytime he is talking to me he would ask if he needed to get the Fisher Price pictures out. Yes…he said that. And then he kept telling me who to go talk to…I’ve been here 10 ½ years…I know who to talk to. This just exacerbated the fact that I felt like I was being punished.



Then, one Thursday I’m on a conference call with Dick and a couple of other people when he asks if anyone has anything they want to talk about. I immediately start the talk because I know the other 2 are not very willing to talk. Dick immediately YELLED at me to stop talking, that I talk enough; he didn’t want to hear it. Well…that pissed me off so I didn’t talk the rest of the conference call. I hung up and burst into tears. It wasn’t just the way he talked to me (although that was rude and unprofessional) but it was the whole situation. And I am not a weeper. I was so frustrated and hurt that I called my old boss because I needed someone to understand what Dick was doing to me. And I HATE crying but I couldn’t stop. So I called my old boss and spilled my guts about what he said, how he was treating me and how I felt that I couldn’t trust Dick. And my old boss said it was unfortunate that Dick talked to me that way but that I just needed to work harder. Build those relationships…which I know I don’t do a good job at but I don’t believe that all of this would be cured if I were to just get Dick to come over for a BBQ and start swapping fishing stories…that’s not me and it’s not going to happen.



So my old boss abandoned me and left me out in the cold. I hadn’t talked to him in weeks. We literally sit 25 feet from each other. I felt like I was no longer worthwhile in his eyes. How could he just stop talking to me? Wanting to know what I did for the weekend. Were our interactions just superficial?

I guess this is a good lesson in being my own boss, in a sense.  I need to be my own champion because not a lot of corporations are as involved with their employees. I've been lucky the last 10 years, that I've had a company that really wanted to invest in my career.  I can't expect everyone that I work with to be like that.  I'm going to step up and be more present in my job and do it to the best of my ability; regardless of who supervises me.

One of the Gang

My dick head of a boss totally sold me out today. I had mentioned a few days ago that the ladies in my area are incredibly loud and distracting. I know we talked about it because he says he doesn’t hear them but they are literally RIGHT OUTSIDE HIS OFFICE. I told him he must tone people out better than me and we chuckled about it. I even mentioned that another lady that sits further away from them then him had mentioned something to me and we compared stories about how loud they can be.


To his credit, he did ask me if I wanted him to say thing about it to their boss and I said NO because their boss is another dick head who will sell you down the river in a heartbeat. I think he would even sell his mother if it made him look good. And I know he wouldn’t keep names out of the comments because he’s done it before with me. When he asked me how one of his people were doing…I stupidly told him. It wasn’t one day later and I was getting very terse looks and a very snotty email about how I thought she wasn’t doing her job. I had specifically told him that I did not want him to share that with her, it was just me venting to him. I was FURIOUS with him after that. I even confronted him about it and I do not do confrontation. He apologized and I had to suck up to the lady for the next month so she wouldn’t hate me and not do anything I asked her to do.


Well, she’s one of the ladies that is incredibly loud and I have not heard her once today and I know she’s been on the phone. And she won’t even look at me. I’m pretty sure I’m not paranoid about this. But then again, 3 of the 4 ladies are gone today and it’s been a dream….

So now, I have to deal with my boss. I want to just go ask him but he’s been in meetings all day. And I really want to talk to the lady to see what was said. I guess it shouldn’t matter. It’s been said and now I have to deal with it. It’s just that I’ve worked really hard to build a relationship with this group. I don’t make friends easily and I really hate it when I’m treated like I’m the village idiot. And I’ve never really fit in with these ladies. I’m treated like a boss when I’m not even their boss. I’m not asked to lunch or to go out for drinks after work. I’m not asked about looking through their jewelry magazines that they’re trying to sell. I am actually spoken around when I’m physically by them. I don’t know how many times I have heard all of them AND the admin talk about going to lunch and drinks and I’m not even included. There are the bagels every so often and no one will come tell me…it’s not like I’m sitting on the other side of the floor. And I didn’t get a birthday card from the group this year. I’m usually the only September birthday but I didn’t get a card or even someone offering to take me to lunch.

Now….this could all be in my head and nothing is wrong. But I don’t think this is the case. I’m pretty sure my boss sold me down the river.

Man, this makes me sound like a whiny baby…but the thing is, I never cared about this stuff. I didn’t want to make idle chit chat with someone. It was such a waste of time; getting to know these people. I really had zero desire or energy for it. But lately I’m more inclined to be one of the gang. I’d love for someone to ask me to lunch. They all stand around and talk over the walls to each other and I’m not included…I sound so cheesy for this I guess. I know that part of the problem is me and I have to make the effort to include myself sometimes. And I have to make the first move to get them to be open and friendly with me. But sometimes I truly just DO NOT give a shit. I’d rather get through my stuff and then go home. No one knows my personal life. No one knows what I like to do on the weekends (which I’m not even sure I know what I like to do on the weekends). I kind of like that I have that place to go to that no one from work knows about.


While I don’t think I’ll ever win a popularity contest (and I would not know what to do if I did), I’d like to have “work friends”…guess I’ve got to work harder at it.  That's what I'm told a lot about making relationships; work harder.  How eff'ing hard do I have to work?  I'm tired already.

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

I like to think that I don’t let people make my life hell (I do a good job of that all by myself). If they treat me like shit, I want to wipe them out of my life. I have no use for them. But sometimes I don't have that ability and it's usually someone that I never would have thought would talk to me that way or treats me like that.



I don't know enough about cars to know enough...nor about tires or DVD players or furnaces or air conditioners…I don’t know how to check the air in my tires….stupid stuff I should know. So I feel like I'm treated like a little girl and it irritates me. Cell Phones? Computers? Printers? I'm in IT and those dumb ass gnats try to tell me something I know is not right. Cable Company does it too. One time the cable company tech actually told me that my internet was slow because the cable was bent.....Right.....



And right now it's my boss. He tells me all the time that I'm not building relationships and that I talk too much. He asks me if he needs to bring out his Fisher Price pictures. And I let that happen. Mostly because he snapped at me in front of other people and didn’t apologize. I went to his boss (in tears, which pissed me off more) and told him. His response was to work harder. Yes…work harder. Who the hell works harder to be treated like shit? From then on, I’ve been as polite as possible but that man (my boss) is a dick. He’s all smiles on the outside but his words are pure venom.



But the bad thing is....I don't talk back. I don't tell them that I know they're wrong and this is how I know you're wrong. I just take it like I have no backbone. I feel helpless to stand up for myself in those situations. Until I get backed in a corner…I actually don’t stand up for myself because I don’t think I’m worth fighting for. I don’t think anyone has ever made me feel like I was worth standing up for; probably not for lack of trying. I probably just never thought to let them. I’m pretty independent and the thought of depending on someone to “have my back” is hard for me but to be honestly honest…I just want someone to offer to light the match…I’ll throw it on the car the dick is in…drenched in gasoline.