People at work

There are a bunch of ladies that sit in my area that I swear, spend 75% of their time talking to each other or talking to their friends/family on the phone. At the top of their lungs. I don’t know how many times I have had to put my headphones on and just listen to music or literally go to a conference room and do work.


Now, I’m not one to call the hall monitor. I take advantage of things at work too. I'll make personal calls. But I use my inside voice. I'll steal the occasional post-it note pad or pen. Hell, I've even stolen some hours by leaving early and just going home. All things that are "acceptable" forms of stealing from work. Right?

But these people are stealing my patience. I mean it; I really have no patience left over at the end of the day. Sometimes even before lunch!

I am tired of hearing about vacation plans; I don't want to hear about purchasing new beds. I want no kind of knowledge about the state of your teenage son’s armpits and the 3 wiry hairs that are growing in it. I don't need to know those things. But I’m helpless sometimes. Sometimes I cannot tune these women out.

I also do not want to piss any of these women off because they will chew me up and spit me out. I swear, I think some of them have actually swiveled their head all the way around like the exorcist. They scare the shit out of me sometimes because they'll put on their Mommy mode and I'm suddenly a threat to the nation. I have heard some of them being the nicest things I have ever heard and within 6.2 seconds they have turned into Medusa and are on the warpath. I’m afraid for my physical being when I’m around them during their “monthly” time.

I purposefully do not share personal information at work. Most people didn’t even know I was going through a divorce 3 years ago. They actually thought I was getting married when I changed my name. I had to explain to a lot of people that “Yes, I actually had been married” and “Yes, to a human being”. Most people do not know me at work. And that is on purpose. I do not feel the need to share my intimate personal details with people that I have to spend 9-10 hours with every day of the week. I do not want my personal life on display at work. And that is what they do. They bring all their shit from home to work and want to talk about it AD INFIMITUM. I do not want to know more than the fact that you have children or married (and I really don’t care to know even that). Please don’t tell me about your intimate dealing with your spouse. I DO NOT want to know about the crud your child has coming out of his or her nose. I don’t care what your mother-in-law thinks of you. I really do not want to know what you had for dinner last night. Please let me get my work done and leave me alone.

That’s another thing. Because I don’t have kids, I get so much shit for being sick. These women will miss days of work because their petri dishes of children are having a headache. They have to stay home for the breeders but if I get sick I get shit for being out for a day and not checking my email. What is up with that? If I had children it would be OK for me to stay work from home. Where is that right?

But I can’t say any of that. When they stop in and want to just chat…I have to turn away from my computer. I have to put on my interested face. I get to listen to them go on and on and I have to nod and grunt in the right spots. I get to be indignant with them. “How dare he say that…dick” I get to know things about them that I swear I would burn my eyeballs out for having to know. And in the past? I wouldn’t have done any of that. I wouldn’t have even been approached. Everyone knew the ice queen was not someone who did small talk. There was a wide berth around my area. Not a lot of foot traffic by me. But over the last 3 years, I’ve mellowed. I will ask the occasional leading question. I don’t care to know the answer but I know it’s expected of me to ask. I have perfected the head nod and the occasional indignation in their defense. I’m better about keeping track of their kids and spouses. I’m better about it in general and that’s good. Because I can be replaced in an instant at this job and I think they would be happy to escort me from the building.