Change of status

I have to admit that I had been dying to change my status on Facebook to "In a Relationship" for awhile. I just hadn't found a person to give me that opportunity.

Then I met Burke and was excited when I got to change my status. I got so many comments on this. From friends, they wanted to know what was going on. I hadn't really been telling people I was starting to see someone and so some where shocked.

Family was a bit of the same but I got the distinction that they were surprised I was even talking to men. I know my brother seems to think I'm going to be single for the rest of my life...which I may, at this point because I ended the relationship with Burke today.  A lot of contributing issues got me to this conclusion.  

I wasn't prepared to give him what he needed and I just couldn't compromise that much. I was being asked to NOT be me. My life is made up of reading things, watching movies, being with friends and sarcasm.  Which Burke didn't get, whether in person or on-line. This is my fault because I thought everyone got sarcasm.  And I am made up of about 97.3% sarcasm. Most of my friends wouldn't know what to  do if I was to turn serious and not be a smart ass.  So, trying to take that out of me was taking away my identity. And not something I could do, let alone want to do.

And the needs I had were not being met because he was so wrapped up in how I was or was not doing things right.  He was so internally focused that I just couldn't reach him.  I had to tiptoe around him because it seemed like everything I said or did was a direct hit to his ego. I was suffocating.

But dating Burke was fun. He was incredibly intelligent and had a lot of movies practically memorized. He had things in his head that were incredible; just the amount of knowledge he had.

But how I ended it was kind of chicken shit.  We talked the night before Thanksgiving and a lot of this is a direct result of that. It was not so much talking but rather it was me speaking as loud as I could with his son downstairs. Because if it had been just the two of us I would have been yelling because I was just done with all of it.  But I shut down towards the end because any thing I said was taken wrong. But I should have ended it then. I knew it was over before we ended up turning over and going to sleep.  But the next day was Thanksgiving and I was cooking a good portion of the dinner.  And I should have ended it when he walked me to the car but it was 29 degrees outside and I knew it wasn't right then.  So...chicken shit, I wrote an email and sent it.  I spent a lot of time on what to say in the email but it ended up being just a couple of lines because I assume he knows what ended it and how it wasn't good for us.

So I am single again and my status on Facebook is back to reflect that.  It might be awhile before I decide to date. Not because this one hurt, rather it frustrated me.  I just don't think I can find someone that will allow me to be who I am and not take things so personal.  Maybe there isn't anyone that can do that.

I'm going to let things just happen naturally.  No dating sites or such things.  If it happens, it's because God had a say in it and I'm OK with that.  I don't mind being alone. I actually really like it.