Christmas

I have my Christmas tree up....I put it up around the 17th of October. In my defense, I put it up because it was new from a friend last Christmas and I wanted to make sure the lights worked. I also hadn't had a tree up for over 5 years so I wasn't sure I had enough decorations. I had every intention of putting it away.


But the lights didn't work completely on the tree and my friend Crawford spent about 45 minutes fooling around with it. I kept telling her I had lights that I would just put up. And I have a good number of ornaments that I think will fill up the tree, but I think I'll need more. That was my ulterior motive really. I wanted new ornaments. And a tree skirt and a tree topper...

In the past, I wanted nothing to do with Christmas for the most part. I loved the shopping for others. I would spend an ungodly amount of money on people. The practice husband was easily a couple of hundred dollars (one year I did $500 – insane and I managed to turn some of our utilities off because of that). But never really did decorations. It was too damn cheery. People were fake and smelled like rum cake. I hated Christmas for the jolly and giving reputation it had. And I couldn’t deal with the crappy and cheap decoration. Too much red and green and gold…tinsel and gingerbread….hot chocolate and candy canes…made me want to puke…mostly because I was just a miserable human being. Merry Fucking Christmas…

So I didn’t decorate and I spent Christmas time trying to figure out how to look like I was enjoying the time with friends and family. A lot of fake smiling.

The last 2 years, I’ve kind of mellowed. I wasn’t really into Christmas but it was a bit easier to be around everyone. I was entertained and somewhat mollified. I actually listened to Christmas music last year. And a transformation happened. I started liking the cheer. I bought a wreath and decorated it. I put it up on my door at the townhouse. I put a little garland on my coffee table and arranged some ornaments decoratively. I listened to Christmas music and sat by the fire. For shits sake….I watched It’s A Wonderful Life….

I guess I came out of my Bah Fucking Humbug mode. Now, I want to put my tree up and decorate it. I’m looking forward to putting up my wreath. I’m actually not sure when I’ll be “allowed” to do that. Maybe Thanksgiving? There are a couple of radio stations here that started playing Christmas music 24x7 November 1 and I think they go to midnight on Christmas. I make fun of them but that is the radio station I listen to when in the car. I haven’t got caught yet!

I think the other part of looking forward to Christmas is that I’m making all my gifts. ALL OF THEM. I have about 18 gifts that I am hoping to make. I need to get my rear in gear because Christmas is only 47 days away. Yes…47. Fuck…I’ve got to do some crafting…

I guess there is an exception to the ALL OF THEM…I have to do something for Mr. Burke. This is hard because we just started seeing each other but I’m making an assumption we’ll be seeing each other at Christmas time. What do you get a guy who has nothing I think he needs but probably doesn’t want? I can’t spend a lot but I need to figure something out. Not sure what I would make…I’d be open to suggestions!

And Christmas is about the birth of Jesus. I know there is a lot of discussion about whether this truly is the birth of Christ or just a shopping holiday. And it comes down to the belief you have in your soul. I know what was done for me. I know what I am blessed to have. I know how much I am loved. So why wouldn’t I want to be of good cheer?