Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

If I were to say something here it would come across as complaining and snippy. I have things that I think I do pretty well and I do get a little pissy when I’m not recognized for my efforts but that is probably when I should have been doing it without the thought in mind that I was doing it for the attention.



This one is just the most recent and so one that I’m obsessing about. I have donated my time and talents to my church (which is also a K-8 school) with no recognition. I wanted to do something to give back to the Church that has been so good to me. They didn’t ask me to help; I kept pushing them to do something. I kept asking if there was anything I could do to fix the situation. I just wanted to give back something because they had given so much. But, in reality, I did it because I was absolutely aghast about the fact that they did not have any formal IT support and I felt it was my duty to fix that. Now whether or not they wanted it, it was going to happen. So I went to a few companies, got some idea of what kind of support they would provide and then put a business case together for the recommendation to hire a certain company for on-going support. This took a lot of my personal time to do (not to mention several hours of my work day to interview them) but it was something that I felt needed to happen. The church doesn’t know any better; or even what the hell they have or need.



But they had a burning need. The “IT guy” they were using occasionally had gone shitty and wasn’t working appropriately with them. So they fired him and then the servers went down. A friend of a friend of a friend, etc…was called and he was able to get the server back up but he’s a server guy, not a printer guy or desktop support, so they were not working at optimal level.



So I did a walk through with the company (who are TechGuys in Overland Park; click HERE for their website) and I knew more about what the Church had then anyone that had been with that Church for years. And before we were even done, the Pastor was asking when they could start. They have since come out and did a scan of the issues; even fixing some without an official agreement with the Church; working in good faith that the Church will at least sign them up for some services.



I know one of the teachers at the school and she says that they were able to fix a problem that she has had for months. I think the teachers and office help are ecstatic because TechGuys are professional but also able to interpret the “geek speak” to the teachers and office people; helping them understand what it is they are doing or needing.



I did that…me….and I’ve been trying to stay content in the knowledge that I don’t have to be thanked for something that I should have given without the need to be recognized. And I don’t expect for the Church to hold up banners or even interrupt the service to have me come up and accept an award. I don’t think that they should single me out.



But I totally want them to single me out. I want a little paragraph in the newsletter, telling people what I did. I would like to at least get a Thank You when I go up to the Pastors after the service. It’d be great if they had me come to all the services and had me stand up in the middle of the service; to recognize my efforts. I want all of that…but I won’t get it and that is going to have to be OK because I’m supposed to do those things. That’s part of being in a Church family; just like in your personal family. You do things that you may not get recognition for. I have a friend that says he tries to do one thing a day that is going to help someone else and not get any recognition for it. I’m not that good…I’m pretty selfish I guess.



This all sounds really petty actually. Guess this is something I’m going to have to work on.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

I have been told that I have pretty eyes…I do not see this. I have never seen it. But I get it all the time. I’m organized and a good planner. I am always on time. I am a good listener and I give good advice. I’m a good cook and I am giving. But…I try not to listen to people giving me compliments because I know better. I know that people compliment me on a lot of different things and I am always appreciative about it but I also immediately contradict them because I couldn’t possibly be good at that or look like that or treat others like that. Don’t they know that I’m worthless? That I can’t do it perfectly? That I shudder at the thought of failing at something? I do not take compliments well….




But I want to. Who doesn’t want to excel at something and be recognized for it? It’s natural. And I feel that way too but I just can’t understand that I may actually be good at something. I don’t give myself enough credit; I sell myself short. I know all of this because I’m told all of this by everyone. And I know, deep down, that I am actually good at some things. That I do excel in some areas but I get so embarrassed when someone points it out to me and I set the stage with my rejection of it so they don’t think I’m bragging or getting a big head. I guess I can chalk it up to wanting attention and the more I deny, the more they push. I think that is a character defect of mine; the need for constant affirmation. I let people set my sense of worth.



I know what I would like to be complimented on: My vitality, my sense of adventure, my love of laughter. I’d like to be complimented on my dependability. I would like to be recognized for my giving nature; giving of my time, talents, love and friendship. I want people to think that I am a person that would be able to take a compliment and appreciate the fact that I’m surprised by it.



Mostly…I’d like to take a compliment (whatever it may be for) and smile, blush maybe and thank them for acknowledging me but telling them it’s not necessary because I’m aware in my inner core that I’m OK.

30 days of posting

 I'm totally stealing this from a blog I came across. I've since lost who the blog was between copy and pasting. My Internet Explorer crashed on me between them and luckily I tend to start my posts in Word to make sure all my grammar and spelling are correct so I didn’t lose this whole thing…just the blog I was on to swipe this from. F'ing Microsoft bastards.


I like the idea of opening up a little bit about myself and letting all 3 (yes...I now have 3 followers!!!!! I'm going pro!) people that follow my blog know so much about me. So here is what I'm going to write about for the next 30 days:


Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself



Just to set expectations now….don't expect a post every single day for the next 30 'cause that’s a pretty big commitment and I just know me. Now, I could surprise all of us and do it every day. Don’t be upset if we’re doing this over the next 3 months…I do promise to have this done before January 1!!


So, Day 1 -- here's something I hate about myself: I hate my desperate and pathetic need to be the center of attention. I like to think I'm a confident person who likes who she is and believes in herself, but my perverse need for attention stands in stark contrast to that perception. I try very hard to be less of an attention-whore, but I just don't have as much fun socially if I'm not dominating the conversation or having everyone all around me hang on every word of my fascinating stories Fortunately I'm blessed to have friends who don't seem to care and love me anyway even though I hog the spotlight, but I still feel like a dick the next day when I realize how much of a jerk I was. I really beat myself up over this but I can't seem to stop.



Well, that was fun! Let's hope Day 2 can keep this momentum going!