Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I have to forgive myself for all the wasted years I feel that I lost due to not being willing. This goes back to yesterday's thing about what I love most about myself. That was how willing I’ve become. Because I was not willing before and I really cut myself off from other people and experiences. Different movies and music. Finding a person that I could connect with (not just men relationships but any relationships). I lost out on a lot of experiences that could have molded me into a better person. Or least in a better place in my life. All because I wasn’t willing to take that risk and get to know people. I couldn’t risk the fact that I could have been hurt but just to think about what I would have gained. That is what keeps me angry at myself.  I hate that I looked the other way because it was easier then actually working at something. I just assumed things would come to me when/if I needed them. Instead of working at things, I half assed it.  I actually can half ass half assing...

So forgiveness is coming slowly.  I find myself more calm with situations that used to baffle me.  It's easier to give myself a break when I start berating myself for not doing something right.  I'm human and make mistakes.  That's probably the biggest thing actually...the forgiveness for not being perfect.  I'm never going to be perfect and to try to live up to that standard is not possible nor realistic.  My expectations are that I can achieve it and if I don't...I'm a piece of shit.  Well, I'm not a piece of shit.  I'm a pretty decent human being that is never going to be perfect. And that is really all I can, or even should, ask for.

Making mistakes is what brings out the biggest achievements sometimes.  I have to remember that I'm not perfect and that doesn't make me a bad person. It makes me like everyone else.

30 days of posting

 I'm totally stealing this from a blog I came across. I've since lost who the blog was between copy and pasting. My Internet Explorer crashed on me between them and luckily I tend to start my posts in Word to make sure all my grammar and spelling are correct so I didn’t lose this whole thing…just the blog I was on to swipe this from. F'ing Microsoft bastards.


I like the idea of opening up a little bit about myself and letting all 3 (yes...I now have 3 followers!!!!! I'm going pro!) people that follow my blog know so much about me. So here is what I'm going to write about for the next 30 days:


Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself



Just to set expectations now….don't expect a post every single day for the next 30 'cause that’s a pretty big commitment and I just know me. Now, I could surprise all of us and do it every day. Don’t be upset if we’re doing this over the next 3 months…I do promise to have this done before January 1!!


So, Day 1 -- here's something I hate about myself: I hate my desperate and pathetic need to be the center of attention. I like to think I'm a confident person who likes who she is and believes in herself, but my perverse need for attention stands in stark contrast to that perception. I try very hard to be less of an attention-whore, but I just don't have as much fun socially if I'm not dominating the conversation or having everyone all around me hang on every word of my fascinating stories Fortunately I'm blessed to have friends who don't seem to care and love me anyway even though I hog the spotlight, but I still feel like a dick the next day when I realize how much of a jerk I was. I really beat myself up over this but I can't seem to stop.



Well, that was fun! Let's hope Day 2 can keep this momentum going!