Willingness to be humble

I find my life funny sometimes. I spend an enormous amount of time plotting and scheming to get things to go my way. They, of course, do not go the way I want them to go so I get pissy. I get to thinking really nasty thoughts about how things are crappy and nothing is ever going to go my way. And then, poof, I get what I needed. Not what I wanted, but what I needed. God knows what I need better than I do. Which is interesting because I'm pretty sure I know what I need...Guess I need to give the big guy some credit because I've got a pretty good life. There is not a lot that I would change with my life. Maybe be less stupid with my money...maybe be better about cleaning my house...maybe be more open to new things. All stuff that I have control over and are the first things to go when I get overwhelmed. Maybe that's something I need to work on?

I have decided to do art. Now, I say that because I have spent the first 35 years of my life telling people I have no creativity or talent. I truly believe that but lately I've just decided that it's OK if I try something and it doesn't work. It's OK to have an idea and it to end up looking stupid or failing. I don't have to tell people what I'm working on. I just can show the end result. So, I'm taking things slow. I have, of course, spent several hundred dollars already on getting the perfect workbench created and painted. I have spent hours and lots of dollars going over the supplies that I think I need. I have organized the whole thing (which is really satisfying). Now I just have to do....I have a notebook with ideas...I just need to do....and I want to make sure that they are unique things. I don't want to copy people's stuff but I want to do things that are attractive to me and that means looking at other people's stuff...

Dating? Well, let's just say that I'm out there and not really loving it. I went with a guy for about a month and then he went cold. So I guess that one was over. Now I'm talking to a couple different people and some are promising (one in particular). But I can't help but compare to others that I find attractive. I don't want to tear any of these guys clothes off. And that is what I think I have been missing most of my life. The passion. Maybe it can grow in a relationship. It doesn't need to be there in the beginning?!