I have this elaborate alarm clock system. My body lacks the “switch” that wakes me up every morning at the same time. I will sleep and sleep and sleep until I either have to go the bathroom or I’m awoken by an alarm or someone else. And I’m very good about sleeping through alarms. Not that I can ignore that insanely annoying beeping. But I can hit the snooze without really waking up.
So I came up with this great plan. I bought an alarm clock that only goes off for an hour. Now, this sucks. My old alarm would continue to go off every 9 minutes until I shut it off. We worked well together. I would slam it off and she’d come back in some insane 9 minutes and jerk me out of sleep. Well, she died. And rightfully so, she was about 2 years old and had been beaten within an inch of her life every day. She had worked hard and deserved a hero’s parade. Unfortunately, the day she died I was late for a meeting and she got a quick toss in the trash while I mumbled something about being a lazy bitch….so much for loyalty.
So I bought a new clock. Cheap; you get what you pay for. I realized later that the same saying is true for dating services but that’s another story…Well, the new cheap clock broke after about 4 months. The snooze button on top actually lost the word SNOOZE because I hit it so many times that it had worn off. So I tossed that one.
I then decided to spend more than $10 on an alarm clock. I went to Target and their selection was pretty slim but going to Wal-Mart isn’t really an option. I just can’t stand going there. So I paid $20 and come up with this fancy one that actually turns colors every time you smack it. And I decided to move it across the room so that I had to get out of bed to turn it off. This all worked well until I realized that it only went off for an hour. Something I learned by mistake. If I had taken the time to read the literature…I might have known this. But it was too late. I had thrown that out with the box already.
So here comes my plan. I bought a docking station around this time for my iPod. I found that it has 2 alarms on it. Alarm A and Alarm B. I could set them to go off around the time my color alarm clock stops beeping. Genius! So I set A to go off at 6:45 and B to go off at 7:00. Well, they both can’t go off at the same time and I have to be aware of turning it on the night before. I have to make sure that its light up. So now, I have to turn on my colored alarm clock (is that politically correct?) and either Alarm A or Alarm B…seems to be working but I’ve thrown in one more thing. My pulse meter watch…it has an alarm too and I can snooze it for 10 minutes. So…I have at least 3 things going off each morning. In the hopes that I’ll be able to wake up in enough time to get to work.
I won’t hold my breath but I would sure like to have an alarm that talks me into waking up instead of kicking me in the gut and standing back to smile while I curse and plead for more sleep.
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