She's Sneaky...

My dog Sammie loves to sleep upstairs on my bed when I am not home.  Typically I put them in the spare room and when I get home, I let them out.  During the night, they do get to sleep with me.  But I have lately been leaving them out during the day.  I come home from work and they are not at the door to greet me, the little bastards.  They are typically upstairs on my bed.

I make my bed every morning but not right away.  When I get up in the morning and take my shower I inevitably come back to this.  I have to shoo her off so I can get the bed made.  And she grunts and groans when I try to push her over to the end of the bed so I can make it.  I know she's getting old and crotchety but seriously....it's my spot.

She puts out an ENORMOUS amount of fur.  I mean it gets so bad on my carpets that you'll walk through the apartment and get fur caught in between your toes...that just makes me gag thinking about it....But part of that is my fault. I don't brush her as often as I should and I've thought about shaving her.  But dogs sometimes grow their hair back differently once shaved and she's a pretty dog.  So I just brush and hope she'll stop shedding at some point.  They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results....for 12 years I've been doing the same thing over and over again and I expect her to suddenly become hairless.  I know what she thinks about it...if she sheds enough, then she gets brushed to calm the invasion and she loves the attention!  You think dogs are pretty smart but I think I have the  smartest dog out there because she knows how to manipulate me.

She's sneaky like that...

Cable no more

I took a leap of faith last weekend and shut my cable off.  The last time I watched TV was 10 weeks ago (now 11) when I was on the phone with someone and we watched a TV show together (long story!!).  I kept track!  I turned my TV on twice over those 10 weeks but that was so I could stream Netflix and watch movies.   But I can do that from my computer and tend to do so.  I will be saving $52 a month by getting rid of cable. I wasn't using it so why have it?

So, as a "solution" I have put my trust in Apple TV.  The tiny little box will stream from my wireless connection, to my TV. I will be able to rent movies and episodes from iTunes (of course there is a cost).  I can stream Netflix directly through Apple TV.  I pay $9.77 a month for Netflix (another expense that I considered getting rid of and just used RedBox but I figured that it would be cheaper to just stay with Netflix). And the genius part of it is that the box is a one time charge of $99. No monthly cost....just my Internet connection through my cable company.  Which I was able to increase and still achieve the $52 savings a month.  There was an early termination fee for shutting off the cable but that was manageable too.

And I have to hope that Apple delivers on what they say they will provide.  I think it's scheduled for delivery in mid October.  I pre-ordered and it is supposed to launch in 4 - 6 weeks.  Not a lot of info on the technology but Apple has delivered on everything I've dealt with and I like the new approach to watching "TV"

Now a lot of the comments I get back from friends and family is that I will miss weather reports and local news but I never watched it anyway so I'm really not out something.  I do complain about the weather because it's a surprise every time it rains because I don't get the scoop on the weather before I leave the house.  That's one that I'm going to try to change.  Or always carry a big purse with a mini umbrella in it.

I don't read newspapers or even most magazines that I subscribe to.  That will be another cost savings when they expire. I kind of isolate myself from the outside world.  I also do not vote...have not for over 7 years.  I also have no right to complain about the state of the nation because I don't educate myself about these things.  Not that I don't find it important but I'm lazy and just don't want to put forth that much effort to educate myself. 

I am "friends" with NPR on Facebook though!

Thinking outside the barriers in my mind

I have spent the first 35 years of my life thinking and telling everyone that I have no artistic talent.  That I'm just not creative.  I'm more of an analytical thinker.  I can manage people and projects but I can't draw stick figures.  I don't doodle.  I couldn't even use a ruler right to make a straight line.  All these things were said over and over and over again.  Like a mantra.

But, as I touched on in my post about my new car, my life changed when I bought my new car.  I had a revelation about me and what I can and cannot do. I was always going to be the Cold Hearted Bitch that I was nicknamed from a group of people.  Bless their cotton socks but they were right. I was cold and I lacked any semblance of a heart.  And I definitely was (and still am to a degree) a bitch.

But that's no excuse for being the same person regardless of how I was hurting people or how I was beating myself up over the years.  Shame on me for not trying different things.  But I had it in my head that I was just always going to be like this.  And I would always have to dress the same way, do my hair the same way, listen to the same music....

But that stupid little Cube drove me into a spiral or a different dimension.  I suddenly found that I wanted to listen to different music.  I started switching channels on my radio...or rather I started listening to the radio rather then my iPod.  When I stole...I mean checked out music from the library, I started grabbing CD's that I never would have checked out.  I used Genius on my iTunes.  I realized that I kind of liked some of the music I heard on 98.9 The Rock or 103.7 The Dam.  I was maybe a little of a metal head?  So I downloaded different kinds of music.  Some I found that I didn't like but there were others that surprised me that I liked (like Godsmack).

Back in May, I took a sculpture welding class with a friend.  It was 3 Sunday's in a row for about 6 hours.  I loved the class.  But part of it was to do a project for you.  It meant designing something.  It meant having a vision of something you wanted to make.  Crap....I couldn't think of anything.  No, I take that back. I could think of things I wanted to COPY but then realized that I had about 9 hours to do it in and that was sharing all the equipment with about 10 other people.  So I had to narrow that down. But again, it was copying something. Nothing original.  So I talked with people and threw around some things and then someone told me to draw it out.  Exactly how I wanted it to look.  Right away I told them I couldn't draw.  That didn't cut it so I got out a piece of paper and drew what I wanted.  And then freaked out because how was I going to get it to look like that?  So this friend told me to measure...another radical thought.  So I measured and measured and realized that I should have used pencil....

But I drew it out, in it's exact dimensions on a huge piece of paper. I wrote down all the dimensions.  I went prepared.  The instructor complimented me when she asked if I was an architect because my design was very well documented.  I kept that paper, it's ratty and a little torn but it's my first design.  And the product?  It's not perfect but it is awesome.  See below.

And then came the projects.  I bought myself a notebook and started writing down my ideas.  This was the hard part.  Actually putting on paper what I wanted.  And not kicking myself for even thinking I could do some of these things.  And some of them I will probably not be able to do. I just don't have the talent.

BUT....I do have an eye for things. I'm pretty good about seeing something and knowing what it will go with or what I could do to make it look right somewhere else.  I probably need to be in designing or decorating.  But when that happens?  I'll be 72 years old.  I'm kind of stuck in IT.

But here are some of my projects.  I can't show all on here because I have peeps that read this and I have started projects for them.

This first one is my headboard on my bed.  I took a twin flat sheet that coordinated with my sheets.  The red is not necessarily what I would choose for this but it's what I have and I love it.  The buttons were sewed down as much as I could and then hot glued in place. They are double buttons, the top button is not sewed, just glued to the bottom button.  I started this project with just a few buttons (like 6) over the headboard and about a month later  decided to finish.  I has bought specific colored buttons and they were pretty expensive for not a lot.  I have TONS of buttons and I just decided to just go wild.  This is the result.

I have fallen in love with felt.  I have made a couple of pieces for friends and I have several more pieces that I will make for the rest.  One of the felt things I like is felting.  It actually is the process of "stabbing" fabric to another fabric.  You have a very sharp (believe me, I have the cuts to prove it) needle with barbs that you punch through one fabric, to meld it to another fabric.  It's called Needle Felting.  I love the look of felted wool and so I decided to try this out.  I'm still learning but my first project with felting is this, I'm going to turn it into a pillow for someone.  I'm working on my next one now.

The only project that I have finished was a machine cover for my sewing machine.  This was also my first attempt at using a pattern. I'm not known for my patience but even I did OK. It helped that my Mom (who is UBER creative) helped a lot but I still had to do the dirty work.  I'm really proud of this because 1) I finished it, 2) I didn't kill my mother because I typically have a low tolerance for her sometimes and 3) it looked like what I wanted it to look like.  Not 100% tidy but I'm OK with that.

So part of my mom's visit was to help me start Christmas gifts. I have decided this year that I am making ALL of my gifts.  So I put a list together and started planning.  The next few are gifts that I'm putting together.  No names to protect the innocent but general pictures.  Again, none are done but all are designed.

Have another 2 rows to do and then sew and quilt

This is a felted envelop that is going to hold pictures from a trip to Ireland that I did with my folks.  This is for my Dad.  I couldn't figure out what to make for my Dad so I thought of this.  I'll print off some of the photos from the trip and put in there.  I think he'll get a kick out of it.

There is actually going to be 2 quilts like this.  But I'm keeping mum on who they are for. It's in a frame so I can tie it.  I'm not hand quilting or even machine quilting.  I'm just tying the layers together.

This one is for my sister-in-law.  It's actually pink and  green but it looks like different colors in this light.  Hers will be tied also.

I am felting a small clutch purse for my niece.  I am creating a flower to put on it and then some accents around that.  The felting of the flower is taking me awhile but I think it's coming around.  Again, not perfect but I'm trying.

And I've taken to going to fabric stores to just look.  I gave my mother so much shit for YEARS about her obsession with fabric but I swear to God....the fabric talks to me.  Tells me what I should use them for.  Or just to go home with me and we'll figure out what to do from there.  I'm starting to have a "stash" of stuff that MAYBE I'll use but I definitely need to bring it home.  Just what I need, more voices in my head!

So this is the last thing.  I LOVE this fabric. It's a fleece and makes into nice blankets.  I don't know why but I had to have it.  I'm thinking of who I can give it to as a blanket but at this point...it's staying with me.  Maybe it'll go better with the buttons on the headboard?

This one time...at Applebee's....

This is a long one but I couldn’t find a way to edit it down anymore then it is…probably everyone else could but it was necessary to me!


I was living in Independence Missouri when I was 23. One of my many jobs was as a bartender for a chain restaurant. We would occasionally call between restaurants to talk about what was going on, getting product etc...Now I should probably mention here that I had 8 W2s the year I was 23. Yes, 8….And some of those were all at the same time. I think I had 4 going at once at some point. I quickly left one of those jobs because it was encroaching on my “me” time (i.e. anything before noon or after 3am).



At Applebee’s, I was a hostess, server and bartender. Being a hostess looks like the easiest job ever but you really have to juggle the whole dynamics of the restaurant. Because if you seat someone in section 1, then section 5 gets pissed because you are favoring 1. Then if you seat section 6, they get pissed because you are slamming them with too many people at once and the odds of pissing people off and getting less tips is high. THEN you have to make sure all the busy boys are available and not out back smoking crack. If you slam too many areas the kitchen gets bitchy and takes it out on the servers who them take it out on the hostesses by not recording all their tips so they don’t have to put as much in for the hostess and bus boy tips. Vicious cycle.



Being a server was OK, I was really good about remembering what people ordered without writing it down but I always did because it bothered people too much when I didn’t write it down. Like I was just going to bring them whatever fell off the counter. I mean, people’s orders were lined up and if it hit the floor it’s not like we’re going to give that to some other table. They ordered it, they get it.



But being a bartender was stellar. I made over $1,000 one night, I was such a good bartender. Given, I was smaller and cuter back them. And I have a way of getting people to relax and get them engaged. Especially guys. For some reason, I have a pretty good knack for talking to guys and not sounding like I’m begging for attention or trying to make them save me. I come across as “real”. That is probably why I had a great deal of guy friends and no boyfriends.



One task for the bartender was to answer the phone. And there were times that it was idiots asking about pricing and how much alcohol and what is the tax rate. Is Melissa there?...Stuff I could just give a shit about. But sometimes, usually before the lunch rush, different locations would start calling, asking about stock. We constantly traded back and forth with other locations in the area. Low in tomatoes in one 5 miles away and we had an abundance of tomatoes…etc.



So I tended to work lunch (which sucks ass, not a lot of tips at lunch at the bar…more then you were guess but still not a couple hundred like at night), I got the different locations calls. I would normally hand off to the assistant or general manager after some back and forth. But there was a location that called just one time and talked to me and this guy kept calling back. The problem is….he was in Springfield Missouri. Like 3 hours away. Now, I can’t recall the reason behind him calling a location so far away but it became a serious scheduled event when I worked.



So I talked to the manager of the location, we'll call him Andy. I honestly don't remember his name so it could seriously be Andy...but I'm betting he doesn't follow me on Blogger.com...just a guess. Andy and I would flirt SHAMELESSLY over the phone. At one point he faxed me a picture of his driver’s license to show me a picture. This was before email really and definitely before cell phones with cameras. So I probably asked to see what he looked like.



I’m not sure I asked a lot of the important questions…like are you married, do you have kids, what is your favorite color….anything kind of personal. Now, I’m not the most moral person out there. I tend to leave my morals with the clothes I just took off in the back of a car. It never occurred to me to say No to certain situations. Ironically I was always drinking when I was in the back of cars naked. I guess I had some common sense when sober, not much but some.



So after a long time (like a week), Andy talked me into coming to Springfield to visit him. I immediately asked for 2 days off and got a map. Now, I had no thought process behind this. I had a dog…guess I’ll just bring him. Didn’t ask Andy, just threw Milo in the back of the car and head out. I didn’t pack any clothes. I honestly have NO IDEA how far away it was. I thought it was just a quick jaunt. I would have left earlier!



So the 3 hour drive finished and I found his house. It was late morning at this point and I be bop up to the door and finger the doorbell.



This puffy, rumpled and very severely hair loss version of Andy’s driver’s license opens the door. Hmmmmmm…maybe I remember him wrong in the picture….nevermind, I’m here and I’m ready for whatever happens.



I come inside and immediately Milo shits on his carpet….Hmmmmmm….maybe I should have let Milo out of the car in those 3 hours to poop or pee….nevermind, I’m here and I’m ready for whatever happens…as soon as I flush this paper towel full of poop.



I’m not sure what happened to this situation in my head to what was actually before me but about 20 minutes into the seriously strained conversation the doorbell goes off. He ignores it, doesn’t say anything to me. It rings again….still nothing. This is when it starts to go to shit….a woman starts screaming outside the front door that Andy needs to get his fat fucking ass over to their house and mow the fucking lawn. She knows he’s in there. He’s going to leave his wife and 6 month old son standing outside in the sun? Andy…get your ass over to the house and mow my fucking lawn….Hmmmmm…….maybe I should have asked those important “are you married?” “do you have kids?” questions ….nevermind, I’m here and I’m ready for whatever happens…as he scurries out the door to go mow the fucking lawn at his house.



I’m still sitting there trying to navigate my way through this baffling situation when he comes back in the house, still rumpled, puffy, less hair and now very sweaty. Not because of any exertion on his part on his fucking lawn but because in the 5 minutes since he left after mumbled something about leaving and will be back later. No he’s sweating because he just sideswiped the whole passenger side of my NEW car. I stood there and just shook my head. He mumbled one more time about leaving and will be back later; I sit down in the living room and start to wait for imposter Andy to come back so I can get his insurance information. Hmmmmmmm……maybe I should have left as soon as psycho wife and baby disappeared and never looked back…nevermind, I’m here and I’m ready to start getting a little perturbed.



About an hour after Loser Andy leaves, Andy’s gorgeous roommate Neil shows up. Now I did not know that Andy had a roommate, but I also didn’t know that Andy was married. Shame on him for not mentioning the gorgeous roommate though! Gorgeous roommate feels bad for sad sad sad situation I am in and asks if I want to go out drinking with some of his buddies this evening. He’ll buy me a drink…Hmmmmmm…maybe I could wait around for Loafer Andy and get his insurance info and then blow him off to go with Edible Neil…..well, definitely I’m here and I’m ready for whatever Neil wants to happen. But I should probably just get the insurance info and go home. Call it a day…



Bewildered Andy shows back up about 3 hours later. I had been watching TV while he was mowing his fucking lawn so I was kind of looking for some entertainment. I felt that Andy owed me a great deal because of this whole snafu and what was he going to do to make it right. Well Andy felt that it was appropriate to discuss this over lunch. Preferably at an Applebee’s so he could get a discount. Skimpy whore. We go to lunch and we do not talk more than 3 sentences each. Seriously. He wrote down his insurance info, we drove back to the house and he took another shower because he worked that afternoon. WTF???? I drive 3 hours to meet a guy that has a good picture on his driver’s license, sounds like a fun guy, wants to meet me and is willing to do what it takes. Only to find a wimpy, balding, dick that had to work when he knew I was coming to visit. Hmmmmmm…..maybe I should stay and go drinking with Gorgeous Neil?....nevermind….no wait, I do want to mind. I’m getting lit tonight!



Fast forward a couple of hours and Shannon is LIT. She had 6 guys surrounding her all night. And not in a “she’s our little sister” way but a full on court press for my attention. God Bless America. Hmmmmm…..maybe I should edit this part. Yeah, definitely edit this part.



Around 2 am, Shannon is sleeping her drunk off in the spare bedroom. Shannon is very intoxicated and barely knows where she is but definitely woke right the fuck up when she was poked in the butt cheek; twice. Rolling over, there is man next to the bed wearing a brown shirt. This is not shocking. Shaking the sleep out of her eyes, Shannon sees that actually it’s not a brown shirt but actually a naked man with hair over 99% of his body. And he continues to poke her to get her to wake up. Finally clearing away the last little bit of sleep, Shannon realizes that Chewbacca Andy is poking her hoping to poke her…..Hmmmmmm……..maybe I should have stayed with the 6 guys.



True Story.

Guess who's coming to dinner

I spent 2 1/2 hours with some very lovely people this last Saturday.  My  church puts on these dinners for 10.  Couples sign up and for one night a month, you go to a host house and 8 to 10 people converge together for food and fellowship.  The house I was at Saturday had 9 people. I made that the odd number because I'm the single girl.

And they were all so very nice to me. They are people that have bible studies together and their children or grandchildren know everybody. It was casual get together but I never know with these church people. So I wore a little black and white polka dot dress and my purple converse. I thought that was a good compromise.  But I'm "that girl"...I got, Oh, you're the one with the funny/silly/not really a car car...I explained that it is in fact a car. And that it did not have a little opening at the bottom so that I can run with my car...a la Flintstones...and yes, I really did have to say that.

And I got a lot of interesting questions about my tattoos.  Not really questions about the why, where and who...but it was a lot of "oh my, that's a big one there" or the famous "that must have hurt"

So I became "that girl"...not woman but girl.  They got a kick out of my job and my ability to handle computers and so on...and then of course, you have to add that I am the token "single" and I must be so lonely and let's take care of Shannon so she can make it through life...blah blah blah

But, this whole post is about the food. Holy Shit I do not know what the hell was served as the main course. I honestly have never seen it before. It was ground beef, peas, mushrooms and I think barley.  It looked like there were little bugs in the food.  I took one look at it and I knew I wasn't eating any of it.  So I put a VERY small amount on my plate and the hostess said "silly, you need to eat, I bet you haven't eaten all day...pile that up!!!" Crap...and then whoever the genius was that crockpotted green beans, tomatoes an onions about 6 hours before the meal, delivered a glob of mismatched veggies. Couldn't even spoon it out it was like mush.  And then I brought nice loaf of French bread.  That was the only thing I ate and even that was ruined because their butter was off.

I managed to get 3 chewed forkfuls down. And the next 2 were attempts by me to just swallow whole with my drink.  But there was not enough tea/water/coffee/rainwater/radioactive sludge to chock it all down with.  So I moved it around my plate enough that I think I got away with it.

Then dessert was brought out and it actually sounds like a good idea but had a HUGE pucker factor. She had done 2 containers of raspberry yogurt, one box of raspberry jello (you do not make, you simply put the powder in the yogurt) and then a container of Cool Whip.  This thing was NEON pink.  And you took a bite and I instantly felt a surge of sugar go through me and I became so jittery I was acting like I was tweaked on Meth (not that I know what that feels like).  I thought my ADHD was going to make me start punching the walls. 

And these older people were calmly talking about window replacement and how their grandchildren were playing with call phones instead of interacting with family members. They never asked my opinion but if they had I would have told them that my phone's umbilical cord had not been cut yet so I still had to burp it and change it's battery every so often.

I ended the night with a quick Thank You and headed home.  I'm scheduled for the next one to be the 9th of October. I'm going to eat before I go.