Modern Conveniences

It's really hard to say which modern convenience in my life I am the most grateful for. 

This one is very helpful especially when the sun goes down.

This one just makes life easier....

This one is essential for keeping my ice cream cold

This one gives me the ability to go to work so I can go shopping and see my friends.

I think these are important for the well being of me...

But when it all comes down to it I would have to say that these are the modern convenience I am grateful for on a daily basis.

I would put pictures of all my friends here but I have been remiss in actually taking pictures but here is my shout out...you all rock!

First Big Meet

Burke met the folks this weekend.

I would say that it went well and it would be true to say that everyone seemed to get along.  It did not go well for me...

I started the weekend off with getting no sleep Friday night.  This is not unusual, it happens sometimes with the way my meds work.  But this was a recipe for disaster this weekend.  I was already nervous about Burke coming to my house; due to the difference in our amount of things we own.  I was really nervous about how he would view the place I called home.  I had a lot of stuff and he is very minimalistic.

So that was the first thing I was nervous about this weekend.  Because it was not stressful enough for him to spend the night with me I decided to add meeting my folks to the mix.  Another thing to be nervous about.

The meet went well and everyone liked everybody.  I am getting this information through my folks and Burke because I was totally out of commission.  I had lost contact with reality.

I started vibrating around noon.  I made the decision to take my stimulant that morning regardless of not getting sleep.  Hoping it would help me stay on top of my game.   I didn't think it would have a negative effect but it did.  I was not able to sit still and couldn't manage to regulate my body temperature. I literally paced the house.  Stopping to straighten something or move the kitchen stuff around.  I'd rest for a bit and my mom or pickle would try to talk to me, telling me to relax and just breathe.  I would have liked to have told them to fuck off but I couldn't have completed a sentence at this point.  I kept starring at the clock and fidgeting.

I walked through the day as if I was about 5 steps behind reality.  This is what happens when I am nervous.  And I've been nervous a lot lately.  I shake and get to talking 936 miles a minute.  I definitely go manic.  But I start over analyzing things and worry.  I start hyperventilating and the shakes become all over the body tremors.  In other words, I act like I'm on crack...

He got there and everything was fine....I think they talked about food or something.  Dad did a pretty good job of staying engaged and after about 154 hours...the folks left.  I just about rolled out of my chair...I was exhausted.  Burke did a great job of calming me down and we went on a walk with the dogs.  The cold air helped clear out the cobwebs for a bit.

The primary reason for having Burke come over was that I was having dinner with some friends in my Cube Car Club.  I wanted Burke to go with me.  Mainly because I had always been the odd girl out with the group.  I started the group with one guy and we had a 3rd join shortly afterwards.  We've been trying to find more since.  The two guys always had their wife or kid with them and I was the token single girl.  But not anymore!!! I was bring Burke to show him off. As a side note....we had a new guy show up to the dinner so that brings us to 4!!!!  And right now we have 2 others that are going to try to come to the next one. 

Yes, I know this makes me a dork but I am so happy that we have a car club.  It's exciting to meet new people and hang out with people that I normally might never have met.  I love that I get to plan things since I'm a total planner in life.

But back to the story...I started crashing around 6pm.  We were meeting for dinner at 6 and between having no sleep for about 36 hours and the pressure of Burke meeting friends and family...I about passed out.  I tried to get a kick of sugar before the dinner, hoping that would help me rally up for the dinner but it didn't...

I spent dinner watching the TV in the restaurant and not speaking to anyone. Not out of rudeness but because I kind of tuned everyone out.  I was completely out of it. I think I was asked a question or two but I honestly don't remember what we talked about.  By the time we got the check and went home, I was on fumes...  Got upstairs, in PJ's, meds and gave a small snuggle to Burke, then promptly fell asleep.  It was 8:15pm....I'm a winner!

Burke did awesome with meeting everyone. I wish I could have been able to help guide him and support him through the day. Burke was nervous too but he was stellar that night. Especially since he had to entertain himself after 8pm. He got to entertain himself and I think he got watch a couple of movies. I'm a great girlfriend.  Sorry Burke!!!

I think I'm going to stick with driving to his place or him to mine and watching movies....I don't know that I would live through another Saturday like that!

My History with Cars

I come from a long line of poor choice vehicles.  My parents have a knack for buying cars that are not the most durable or reliant.  I come by it honestly.

I bought my first car when I was 16 and it was a POS (piece of sh@t).  But it got me through my high school career and my first year or two of college.  Let me rephrase that, it got me through my first 2 years of being in Kansas.  I wasn't a college student for very long so I can't claim it as a career.

I bought a car when I was 23 and it was great!  It was newer, I took care of it, I loved it.  But I make a lot of rash decisions in my life.  Not just with cars but with other things too.  I want, when I want it, and how I want it.  And be dammed if you don't give me what I want.  And I've improved over the years!


Then I married a man that will research the hell out of EVERYTHING....so I couldn't just buy something.  But I was definitely able to manipulate the situation.  So really I had someone to blame when anything went wrong.  But I found that the Kennedy curse did not transfer ownership when I changed my name.  The ex was good luck. We had a couple cars and no issues with any of them.  He still has a truck that is over 12 years old and it's in pretty good shape.

As soon as the divorce was final, I decided that I needed a new car. New car, new start.  Well, the Kennedy Curse was back and she bitch slapped me.  I was on our classifieds website at work and just going through, killing time.  I pulled up this posting for a Land Rover Freelander.

Let me pause here and explain that I have wanted a Range Rover since I can remember.  The 95-99 era one.  Once it went into 2000 the body style went a little soft.  They were rounded edges and slanting.  The older version were boxy. Which is what I loved.  And I have to admit that the prestige of having a Range Rover was there too.  But I'm a realist and know that I will never have one.

So I thought the Freelander would probably be the closest to a Range Rover I would get.  Now, I did not need a car.  I had a perfectly (PERFECTLY FREE) car. It was really good shape, great mileage and no car payment.  But the minute, and I mean minute, I saw the Land Rover, I wanted it.  No...needed it.  I HAD to have it.  This is the impulsive nature of me.  I really need to run these types of things through people.

That was on Tuesday, I took possession of it on Friday.  I did not once actually see the car or ask any questions.  I did not know what type of gas it needed or when the last oil change was.  I had no idea if it actually had a motor. But I walked to the credit union at work on Wednesday and I got the check on Friday morning.  I followed the guy home and then we drove back to my place.  I had a Land Rover.

I had the car exactly 2 weeks when I had my first EVER accident.  It was totally my fault and insurance wanted to total it.  So, instead of asking people their opinion or what the ramifications would be, I opted to repair it.  I could have walked away with a little more then the car was worth and tried to find another car.  But I chose to fix.  Now I didn't know or even ask what that means.  When you total a car and then repair?  That makes it a salvage title.  I immediately lost all value of the car.  I could maybe be a grand for it.  I didn't realize this.

So I repaired it.  Took almost 2 weeks and I was paying for a rental car during this time.  Luckily the body shop cut me a pretty good deal and had enough to cover the rental car.  So I really learned nothing. I had to get it reregistered and found out how difficult it was to do that so I did kind of learn to not do that but only because it was a pain in the ass to get the DMV to do their part.

About 2 months later someone hit me in the parking lot.  Not my fault for a change but it was hit in the exact same place as my original accident.  That was another 2 weeks and this time I ended up paying for the rental car in total.  That was over $300 that I didn't have.

This is when the wheels start falling off.

I had to rewire the whole back end because something happened and the mechanic I used was incompetent with Land Rover vehicles and took me to the cleaner.  Not only did the back end need to be wired but the timing belt and some other belt needed to be replaced.  That set me back $5K.  Luckily my ex had just paid me my settlement for the house.  Again, God was covering for me a bit. But still....$5 frickin' K.

Then an oil change there was $75.  I quickly decided to not use that mechanic anymore.  But the dealership was less then helpful.  They actually told me to just buy a new Land Rover - the Discovery model because the Freelander was the throw away model.  Crap....

I drove around with my Check Engine light on for over 18 months.  It never exploded but it would do strange things sometimes.  Wouldn't start but nothing was wrong with the ignition.  It was actually a short in the dashboard and steering column. Awesome.

So back in April I had knee surgery.  This has nothing to do with the car issues really but I was home that week and I decided that I wanted to look at the Cubes.  I had not really seen them. I think I passed one or two in 6 months maybe.  But for some reason I choose to go check it out.  And I knew I had a ace in the hole because I took the ex with me.  Kind of give me some good luck.

But I had ZERO intent to purchase a new car.  I swear by that.

After the test drive and talking numbers I was kind of inclined to buy a new car.  Money-wise they could meet my payment and it was a really cool car that I decided I HAD to have.  And my ex talked me through it.  Asking me if I could really afford it, looked under the hood and asked all the mechanical questions.

But what nailed it for me was that they gave me $2,500 for the Freelander.  I actually feel a little guilty for taking advantage of them but they offered and I immediately said to start the paperwork.  My ex took me aside and asked me if I understood what was happening and God Bless him...I knew what I was doing.  I was buying a new life.  He wouldn't understand that but I did.

So now I have a Nissan Cube.  This is not a Land Rover, not even close.  It's a boxy/rounded car...sounds weird, I know.

But I did a change in mentality.  I don't want a Range Rover anymore.  The Land Rover gave me an image.  And I was totally Johnson County snob.  You could not touch this...but the Cube is a different mentality.  It's the kind of car that tells people that I'm approachable.  I get to do things a little different because I am allowed to be "eccentric" in such a weird car.  Maybe I'm not explaining this right but it boils down to this.  I want to be free spirited. I want to wear tennis shoes with dresses.  I want to try to be artistic (or at least crafty).  I want people to ask me about my car and I get to show it off.  I guess it goes back to that wanting to be unique.  I am unique now.  And I feel like I can try to be someone that I never thought I could get away with.  I can put patterns together on outfits.  I can have mismatching furniture.  I can go to thrift shops and repurpose things.  I can just do things differently then I thought I had to do them.  This is a whole new world for me.  I feel like I have permission to do things differently then I used to do them.  I was kind of in a rut.  I did the same things, over and over again because that was just how I always did them. I was suffocating.

This car changed my life because I have decided that I am no longer the person that I thought I was always going to be.  Do you know how freeing that is?  For me it was a complete change to my mentality.  I still do stupid shit.  But now I give myself permission to try different things.  And be OK with the results.  I can make mistakes and not beat myself half to death. This enables me to breathe.  I don't think I ever took a full and deep breathe before. I was constantly trying to take air in but never really filled my lungs.  I take deep breathes all the time now.  I feel energized.

And all because of a weird looking car!

The license plate is left over from the Land Rover and was taken off after I incurred a scratch so bad on the back passenger door; cost me $426 to repair.  And I had only had it 6 days.  Lousy Jinxed license plate was replaced.  It was only $3 to do that.  Should have done that before the scratch!