Money Management

Do you know how many of my problems would be solved by having money? Pretty much all of them, that's how many.

I'm pretty sure I'll never have enough money that would allow me to just go to Target and shop and not bother looking at the total.  I used to do that and is probably (maybe) be the reason I'm not as financially secure as I'd like.

I've given into the power that money has over me.  It has a strong hold on my life.  So I'm trying to do something different.  I've given control to another person.  They are managing my money for me.  Now, I have total control of my money but I have to run things through this person so that I have permission to spend the money.  This is an interesting situation to be in because I 1) know that I need someone to do this for me because I just do not have the ability to stop, even when I know I do not have the money and 2)It takes a lot of control away from me and I'm a huge control freak.  So I find myself trying to slip things in with the thought that I wouldn't need to bother this person for $4 at QuikTrip.  When, in reality, I still have to sit with that person each week and they'll see what I've spent.  It's starting to work though.

I'm not sure how this happened; the dire straits with money.  I make really good money and on paper I've got a lot of disposable income.  I should be able to go to Target and drop $20 or $30 without sweating. It would be nice to be able to go out to dinner any random night.  I could actually go out with my friends when they ask.

Instead, I'm taking cash out for specific items (cash and groceries) and then not using my debit card for anything else that isn't budgeted for.  The reasoning behind this is that any "extra" money I have at the end of 2 weeks goes into savings.  And my goal is to have 4 - 6 months of income in the savings account so I have an emergency fund.

But this is REALLY difficult for me.  I honestly don't think I would go a day without spending some amount of money.  I really can not think of one time in the last several months.  So now, it's kind of a test to see how long I can go.  I've gone 3 days so far...that means no debit card and no cash.  That's a huge accomplishment for me.  I was struggling from the constant need to be careful that I "lapsed" and bought something just to smell the receipt that they gave me.  Kind of a rush to spend that $1.48 for a soda.

I think there is a 12 step program for these types of issues.  I might have to start looking to add more meetings to my week nights.