Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days

This is a great thing for me. I love music…more specifically, I like MY music. Not that I’m a musician but rather I only want to listen to the music I like. For awhile there it was just 80’s music…for 4 years, it was only 80’s music on my satellite radio. I would only put 80’s music on my iPod, etc… Then I got rid of my satellite radio and I started listening to different music. I would try out hard rock; which I kind of like. I was trying out Top 40 music and sometimes liking. I stuck to iTunes and their recommendations. And I was checking out CD’s from the library that were typically not something I would listen to…just to branch out. You can read here for some of my thoughts on music in general.


But I can’t narrow it down to just one artist or band. I do have tendencies to listen to a song or album over and over and over, until I can’t listen anymore. But there are definitely songs that affect me. Some are just favorites but then there are some that just mean something to me. They usually happen to me when I’m going through something that requires me to deal with an emotion. I truly believe that God talks to me through music. I don’t know how many times I would be hurt or upset, angry or frustrated and a song would come on that totally soothes me. And I know that sounds crazy because it’s music that I’ve put on my iPod and so I know it will cycle through but it really does come at a time where I need to hear it.



When I went through the divorce, I would cling to songs that were about break up and letting go. After the first year or so, the songs were about getting back together. And then now, it’s about finding the strength to go it alone. To be enough. They come across as break up songs and I guess they are to an extent but Pieces and I Feel Bad by Rascal Flatts is what I'm listening to. Kelly Clarkson has an album out that is pretty much about breaking up.  Pink too.  Both that I have my playlist right now.  They come across like the practice husband is holding me back but it’s the exact opposite. I’m holding on to him because I’m just so afraid to let go and be on my own. This is another blog I need to write so suffice it to say that I’m listening to music to prepare myself to let go.




Right now I'm in a dilemma because I lost my headphones and they were great headphones. Expensive too but they were great. I have no idea where I lost them. I take my iPod with me everywhere and so I always have my headphones.  They must have dropped out somewhere between work, car, car home...now, I have this cheap ass pair that only one ear bud works and they are just terrible quality.  I'm going to save up for a new pair of headphones and just deal with the crappy ones until then.

But music is always going to be my savior.  When I need to shut the world out and just calm down.  I put my headphones on (even the crappy ones) and just lose myself to the music and the words and the calming

blue that I see when I listen to music.  It’s like mediation for me.  I can stop listening to the committee that’s in my head and be still.  That is what music does for me.

Music to my ears

I love music. It truly soothes my soul. I love listening to music but it has to be my music. I had satelite radio for 3 years and I can count on one hand the number of times I strayed from the 80's channel...that's 3 years of nothing but 80's music...Ice Ice Baby!

I have had an iPod since they came out. Upgrading every year or so. I have the touch and I absolutely love it. I would love it better if I had the iPhone instead but then I wouldnt have as much space. Although I don't have a full 32 gig right now. But I have about 4 movies and almost a thousand songs. I'm about a 3rd of the way full.

I live 2.7 miles from work. And so I have very little time in the car. 10 minutes on those mornings where I hit Metcalf at JUST the right time. But I average about 7 minutes. In that small span...I have to have my iPod attached. The beauty of my new car is that it has a direct connection to my iPod. Not an AV jack. But a direct usb connection That was one of the reasons I bought the car. But I can't listen to the radio in that 7 minutes. Ultimately because it's all commercials. What a way to waste those precious few minutes. And then there is my office. I can listen to music at my desk all day.

So I have my iTouch all the time. I walk the dogs and that's 30 minutes that I get to listen.

And walking the dogs is my time to meditate. It gives me a chance to just clear my head and listen to whatever comes on and I usually zone out and have some really great therapy sessions in my head. It's when I feel the closest to God. I love my walks. I've processed and forgiven a lot of things in those walks. And music is a huge part of that.

But I move through music pretty regularly.

I listen to the same music over and over and over. I will have a favorite for weeks. Now I have Favorite favorites. Ones that are just always going to be on my list. Waterloo, Dont bring me down, heartache tonight, small criminal, thriller (long version), jeopardy, strokin'...but I have newer favorites too. Nickelback is high on the list. A lot of heavier (notice I said heavier...not heavy) rock. I was listening to christiian rock when I went through my Jesus phase but got sick of the sappyness...(Just kidding JC!)

But for years I have ripped cd's from friends, librarys, and even Napster before it went legite (that tells you how long I've been collecting!) So I have over 6,000 songs. I listen to maybe 1/6 of that...and thats being generous. But I put in my budget each month for $20. Now that used to buy 20 songs but not anymore (gouging my pocketbook - Apple will get you as bad as Microsoft...but I digress). But most of that $20 goes toward movies now. I have over 200 actual dvd movies. But I have a bad habit of buying a movie and then NEVER watching it again. And I mean never. I've purposefully have made myself watch more lately but I even pay for Netflix and don't watch more then one or two a month. But that's cheaper then buying a new movie a week! While some would say to just not buy any or pay for Netflix I ask you how else am I going to waste money? I mean really? Should I pay my credit cards or put in savings? My bank would call me to check that someone hadn't hacked into my account and suddenly became more responsible. I have the audacity to be offended by that remark...

But my music is important to me. I really am not comfortable with silence. I struggle to listen to things when there is not music going.  And if I have to be quiet? I feel at loose ends. I don't like listening to my head. It gets pretty dark in there and I have to drown it out a lot. Which just takes me to my money problems.  But I will find so much peace with just listening to music.  I don't have to sing along or try to memorize the lyrics (although that happens with the amount of times I listen to a song) but the fact that I can listen to the lyrics or memorize them helps me. Maybe it's a lot like having Autism.  I'm soothed by it and a lot of times I can't deal with silence because it makes me face things. I don't know, I'm not a therapist but I"m sure there's a therapy session in there somewhere.

I'm willing to try new music. 1/2 the music I rip from the library I will never listen to because it's not something I find interesting but I continue to steal from the library because what if I MIGHT like it?  Then I wouldn't have to buy it.  So I'm making a commitment to listen to my already purchased/ripped music.  I've got over 6,000 to choose from so I guess I'll make an effort to branch out.

I still love 80's music but I like that I"m open enough to try something new.  I wasn't always so flexible.  This means progress rather then perfection.