It happened

I came home last night and found Sissy Girl lethargic and feverish.  Got her to an emergency vet and within an hour and a half she was gone. There were tumors in her stomach and spleen.  She was lethargic because of blood loss from the tumors in her stomach.  The only other option was to do surgery and I did not think that was really an option for her.

Called the parental units and let them know.  Called the practice husband; who came to the vet and sat with us when it was time.  And waited for the vet to come back with the stuff.  She wasn't actually aware I think.  She wasn't feeling good.

First syringe was to put her to sleep, under sedation.  She just kind of closed her eyes and slept.  I couldn't stay for the syringe that stopped her heart.  I couldn't watch her die.  Joe stayed with her.  He went above and beyond and I'm so glad he was there. I just wasn't able to do that.  Probably a chicken shit way to do it but I think she wasn't aware of me being there after going to sleep.

I'm having her cremated and I'll keep her ashes.  I want to find a container for them; so I can put them on a shelf.

I have to say that I thought Milo would go first.  I wasn't prepared for this.  It was sudden.  But it was the best thing for her.

Now, today....I keep expecting her to jump up on the bed, start whining or shed a pound of hair in 3minutes.  I listen for her and expect to see her out of the corner of my eye.


It was weird walking only Milo.  It'll be weird not brushing her everyday.  The belly rubs and chasing her around the house.  The crowing....I'm going to really miss her talking to me when I come home.  I just bought 50 pounds of dog food...this is going to last us a couple of months.

Sissy girl was a great dog, she was the most loving dog I've ever seen and she was the biggest belly whore!  You could win her over within 2 minutes if you just bent over and rubbed her belly.  No loyalty after that!

I hope she knows how much she is going to be missed. I hope she knows how much she is loved.

 Thank you God for giving us the best Sissy Girl.

Update after the vet

Well, as written in the previous post, I have visited the vet and I can't say I'm totally at ease.  There are, of course, things we have to wait to get results on.  But I didn't have to put them to sleep at that exact moment, one of my fears.  That's me being the morbid dick that I am.

Sammie had 2 of her lumps biopsied and the doctor's initial response is that she is not hopeful on one of them.  We won't know until Wednesday or Thursday.  If they are OK, then we'll just see how the others do.  At this point she didn't think Sissy Girl was in pain but it would explain her small weight loss and being kind of lethargic.  I'm super concerned and I don't want her hurting. If the tests come back positive, I can't allow her to be in pain; no matter what.

Milo was of a bigger concern to her at first.  With his age, she thought the seizures where probably organ failure.  She recommended some blood work; which was insanely expensive.  This was the cheaper option from getting some scans done to rule out brain tumor.  I took the less expensive option. I hate that my kiddos lives while at a vet office is dictated on what I can afford.

His blood-work came back negative for any failures and all his other tests where in good range.  So that leaves us with brain tumor.  The vet told me that, while his blood-work was good, he's 16 and deaf and going blind.  Is that the type of lifestyle I would want for myself.

He can have one more seizure...that's my decision.  Because, what if he just blinked too many times while swiveling his head back and forth?  This is what is in my mind instead of it being a seizure, because I don't know what to do without Milo in my life. And who do you invite to the little party at the vet when its time?  My parents want to be there for Milo.  They never really bonded with Sissy.  But Milo is their favorite for other reasons.  I explained in a previous post that you can read by clicking here.  And what about the practice husband?  He was in their lives for the last 12 years.  Having parents and practice husband in one area would be interesting.  But I think I want it to be just me in the end.  Have a little get together at the apartment and then I take them to the vet.

I have to admit that I am trying to ignore my feeling of morbidness.  I can't handle the thought of losing either of them and most definitely not around the same time.  I don't know what I would do if I opened my front door after a day at work, shopping, cleaning my car, etc and not have them running up to me.  I would cease to exist.

And that sounds so dramatic but I have had Milo 15 years and Sammie 12.  These are my children and can you imagine having to decide to put your children to sleep?  I know, to some of you, dogs are just dogs.  But to me, these are my children.  I love them no less then you love your children.

Over the next couple of days, I'm going to be staring at them more often and for longer periods of time.  It will not be inconvenient to take them outside for one last time at 10pm.  If they want to have a treat...they get 4.  Try to kick them off my bed?  I'll offer to sleep on the couch.  How else can I show them how much they have meant to me over the last 12 to 15 years?

I'm hoping this enthusiasm to be optimistic will work out in the end and allow me to not dwell on the fact that I will lose them soon.  Give me a few more years.