Can I come out now?

I think I have beat myself about the head and shoulders enough now.  I'm tired of being tired.  I hate that my life has taken on this dull color.  I want to be done with this depression and put it away for good.  I want that very much.

But I can't stop eating pennies right away.  I've got to do this in stages.  First couple of days....take showers.  Next set of days....take trash out.  And after that?  Lots of things to get back into the habit of doing.

What woke me up?  I bought a gun this last weekend.  And I had people all over the world asking me if I'm OK and they are worried.  This surprised me because I bought the gun because I wanted to get into shooting practice more.  And it was kind of something I had been wanting to do for awhile and had the tax money to support it.  But I was astonished by the number of people that contacted me about this and were honestly concerned for me.


I was surprised and didn't realize I was giving off the vibe that I was depressed.  I was, don't get me wrong, but I didn't think others knew it.  I'm grateful for my friends and their concern.

So that kind of spooked me and made me realize that I needed to get my head out of my ass and do something about it.  And I have:

1. Med check with doctor and found that we can back off of one of my meds
2. Therapist appointments made
3. Reaching out to others when I need to talk or just need someone around me
4. Making conscious efforts to do the right things
5. Put my checkbook away
6. Start buying groceries instead of eating out
7. Go to work and while there...work
8. Stop letting others irritate me so bad that I shut down

ETC.........

I really want to stop going down the path I was headed...it smelled an awful lot like my past and I want to not relive that.