Her Highness

Bleh

Work is going better but that's because I've stopped wishing it was different and just working at what I have the ability to change.  I think I'm going to be OK at work but I also need to make sure everyone else knows that.  But nothing fantastic about it.  Just maintaining...


Home life is OK. I'm still getting used to a roommate. Only been 3 months so I'm learning.  I spend a lot of time in my room because I just don't want to watch as much TV as she does.  Plus I have projects to work on that take more of my time and its easier to be somewhere a little quieter.  We had one knock down drag out and that was because of me. I walking into the conversation mad about it and I took it out on her.  We're still tip toeing around each other for that.  I "won" but at what cost?  So....just maintaining.

Money is MUCH worse. My student loan kicked in and I can't get it to "turn off". So I am paying a lot of money I don't really have to do this. I need to do some calling and I need to work with them to get it lowered at least....but, I'm maintaining (barely)

My desire to lose weight hasn't diminished but my willingness had. The last week (which is never a determining factor for me) has me doing all the right things. Walking every day, cutting WAY back on soda and eating regular, healthy meals. I've lost 7 pounds but since I'm never consistent, this could go away.  So I'll say I'm maintaining for now.  Give me another 2 weeks and I'll start talking.

Willow is probably the only thing that I feel I am excelling at.  Every day we get closer and she starts to trust me more. I actually got her on her back the other day so I could rub her belly.  Lasted for all of 20 seconds but it was there....We're definitely bonding. Holding on to maintaining because I think we're almost excelling.

Christmas is 54 days away. I'm putting up my tree this weekend.  I know, I know...it's too early but I'm a rebel. I like to go against what others do.  So I will probably put it up and just listen to Christmas music until New Years Eve...I love this time of the year. Never did before, felt it was too much pressure to get the right gift and have the perfect tree.  Now, I have a fake tree that leans to the left and ornaments that don't match. Still try to match and look perfect but the overall effect is that I love watching the lights stay solid...hope to do more then maintain.

That's about it....

This is now, in fact, my spot

I alone, can keep the world at bay

Thinng

I'm sure I'm on the bandwagon for this website way after people have discovered it but I've been using for a few weeks and I love when I find a nugget of fun.  I'm going to post here the few I've found and just let you bask in my coolness:

I think this one is my favorite

2nd Favorite

My Thinng

Only a mother could love her looks

I absolutely adore Willow.  I loved The Dogs (Mighty Milo and Sissy Girl); I don't think anyone would argue that.  But they were old when they passed. I really don't remember them as puppies. I mean there are specific episodes that I remember but I just remember them being casual and relaxed.  Not as an excuse for why I feel like I love Willow more but more so people remember that I loved them. They were great dogs.

And I think there is a little bit of guilt around this.  I feel like I've forgotten Milo and Sammie. I feel like I was a horrible parent and didn't let them be a true dog. I abused them by not letting them be on the couches.  I never took them to a dog park, they didn't have bones on a regular basis....yadda yadda yadda. I struggle with all of that...

But Willow absolutely makes me laugh out loud.  She gets so excited to see me.  She will launch herself at me when I sit down on the floor to see her.  She talks to me all the time.  I understand that dogs "don't talk" but I assure you that Willow does.  If she gets irritated with something or someone, she will grumble and snort.  She knows when shes in trouble because she'll start meowing at me to forgive her.  And she will groan and grumble when I come home and she is so excited to see me.  I love coming home!

So, with this new love of my life, I'm a different kind of dog owner. She is on the couches (which was a HUGE no-no with The Dogs).  I have been known to give her VERY small bites of human food.  But that is going to stop. Human Food is for Humans....and she has 3 bones every day (which she loves and reminds me to give her them several times a day)

And for all those people that I made fun of for dressing their dogs....I apologize.  That's an official apology. Those don't come from me very often. 

So I have a nice little wardrobe for her in the colder months.  My reasoning is because she has so little hair and so she'll get cold easily.  Which my vet confirmed but wouldn't go on record saying that I should buy her clothes.  Guess she didn't want to have to do that for everyone.

But I have found an all new level.  HALLOWEEN!!!!  Yes people, Willow has her own Halloween costume.  I honestly wasn't planning on a costume, I just stumbled onto them at Target.  This is actually Crawford's fault...she talked me into going to Target.  Or I could have talked her into it but lets stick with it being Crawford's fault.

I bought the shark one first and then found that she had a hard time jumping up on things.  So I went with the bat one. I need to make some alterations to the bat one but not a lot. 

Starting October 1st, on our nightly walks, she's Willow the Bat Girl!!!

And since we're showing each other our kid's photos....

She has taken to sleeping on the "bolster" I have at the top of the bed.  I used to use that as my pillow but she took this over and I have, yet, to take control back.  And not just with reclaiming my pillow; this dog walks all over me.

I can't remember if I ever posted this but this was the result of our very first walk. I don't think she had ever been walked or on a leash and she was not happy about it at the time.  I ended up dragging her several feet before I turned around and found this situation.

I know, by all standards and others eschewed vision of beauty, this dog would be called ugly. And I'm very biased... she is probably so ugly that she's cute...that's how others have explained that.

But to me, she is gorgeous.....



Deep Thoughts by Willow Grace



I just don't know what else to do....

Things at work have gotten to an all time low.  Things are being done that I don't agree with.  And then there are things that are being put on the back burner and I don't understand the reasoning behind it.

Just about everyone has been put on a Performance Improvement Plan (me included) because there is such disconnects going on that things are being dropped or ignored.  Some of these issues are self induced.  I'm guilty of not responding quickly.  I know that.  And it doesn't help that people's attitudes are really bad.  I'm guilty of that too.

I just had no desire to get up in the morning so I was getting in late and leaving early.  I just didn't want to be apart of this team/company anymore.

None of that has really changed but I recognize the need for change.  It's terror induced change.  I can't lose my job. They let a couple people go that had some tenor.  I have seniority over some of these people and I ask myself what I really want to do.  Do I want to make it to 12 years in January?  Or do I want to work hard enough to stay and keep looking for a job?  My laziness makes me want to do the bare minimum, get let go, live off my 401K for awhile and try to "find myself". 

But the last couple weeks have actually improved for me. And that's because I'm making an effort.  Not just getting to work on time, working while I'm there and then leaving at an appropriate time.  But I'm also putting makeup on.  I'm eating 3 meals a day (with ZERO weight loss thank you very much to those who tell me that I have to eat more then I normally do to start losing - Whatever) and I'm doing things around the house more; like cleaning and doing dishes.

It wasn't just work that I was checking out of.  It was my life I wanted to check out of.  I have things in my life that I wish they were different. I wish I had more satisfying relationships.  I wish I had more room in my bedroom.  All things that I just expect to happen.  And "coming to" is helping me realize that I can't have it all.  I need to work for it. 

So....my grasp on life is better.  A little more stable.  I have desires to do better in things and to learn to let go of other things. But, God it was so much less stressful when I just checked out and played on my Kindle/Phone/Computer/Crafts....now I have to pay attention.

And enjoying it does not mean that I'm in my PJ's, unbathed for a 5 days and fluctuating between reading in bed but sleeping on the couch.