I don’t think it is a ridiculous behavior in theory…Goodness no...But I never really saw the attraction for being childish. I’m an adult and so I should act as an adult. I was born old it seems like. I remember talking to adults as though I was one of them. I was definitely able to hold a conversation when I was in my teens. I got along better with adults then I did people my own age. And to this day, is somewhat still the case.
I feel like I have to keep this adult side of myself up because that is what is expected of me. But I'm getting closer to doing different things...like really close. It’s dangerous how close I feel I am to actually doing something spontaneous....I know that it amuses people in my life how much I get caught in the weeds of things, needing to know the details around everything. I have a need to plan out my whole life because then I’ll know what’s going to happen and I can prepare myself. I am definitely not a “fly by the seat of your pants” person. I’m structured and rigid, not a surprise to me or those in my life.
But I’m in a relationship that requires me to ‘calm down”’. Not in a bad way, not at all. I actually really need to calm down. I’m structured and rigid because I just don’t know that I can let go of the reigns. But the difference now is that I want to. I want to let go and be more child like. I guess I’ll just try to find ways to become that person who will kiss to be funny instead just an act and I’ll try to remember what it was like to swing on a swing and getting so high I feel like I can juggle the sun, the moon and the stars. Laughing so hard that I get the hiccups. Maybe ding dong ditch?
Giving into the child like mentality does not mean that I am giving up my responsibilities as an adult but rather it gives me the freedom to act differently. And I so desperately want to be different. Although I don't think this would work at my job...might be interesting to try, though.
