I follow this blog. I am actually friends with her on Facebook. I get a kick out of that...I have like 230 friends on FB and I know maybe 1/2 of them. Tracy is not one I have met but am looking forward to it...and she has some really funny stuff. We kind of have the same humor. But I wanted to plug her in case you were looking for more blogs to read. Not to mention, she's a great writer and definitely not a Prima Donna....OK, maybe a little bit.
Click Here
http://ridiculousanyway.blogspot.com/
Ok Tracy...is that enough? Can I have my dog back?
Friday, September 3, 2010
Bitchin'
I have always wanted to do drugs - I mean I abused alcohol like you abuse the post-it notes from work. But I was such a control freak growing up that I just didn't have the spine for it. What if this humongous "thing" (whatever that may be....subject to my freaked out mind) happened and I wouldn't know what to do.
I really wanted to get high. Just to say I had. And to know what other people were talking about. But I have never really inhaled smoke. I went through a phase where I carried a pack of cigarettes with me when I went out to bars. And I sucked in a lot of smoke. But I never really inhaled. I had no idea how to do that without looking like a poser. So I just swished it around in my mouth and tried to look cool when I let it gush out of my mouth after an appropriate amount of time.
Back in February I had a cigarette and about lost my lunch....or dinner to be precise, it was in the evening! I actually inhaled on this one and GAG....I was light headed, and not in a good "I'm getting HIGH" way but in a if this ride keeps going around, I'm going to make a deposit on the side of your car....so no more smoking for me. Which saves me money I would have spent on cigarettes I would never smoke but I had been thinking about it...I think about a lot of things when wrapped around money. Assuming I'll just pick "this" up and it won't be too expensive. This time I looked down the path and saw all the $3 packs PLUS the Kleenex I would have to buy for the coughing fits that have me burping up snot. And the whitening kits for my teeth. Then there is the coffee habit that seems to come with the smokes. Lung replacement - you can't just pick that up anywhere! Pretty expensive if you think about it.
But maybe acid? A little cocaine? I say this purely because I've never even SEEN either of these in person. I didn't actually see pot until 2001. I have to admit that I was around it in 2006 a couple of times. For some reason the ex bought some from a "guy". He and a couple of friends smoked it in the garage. Again....not really exciting. None of them took their clothes off or tried to fly off the roof. They didn't even get the munchies. I even went out to get stuff, just in case. I should have been a Boy Scout because I like to be prepared!!! Yes, that makes me more of a house mom then a wife...
I think I got a little high earlier this year when I was trying to strip a piece of furniture in my apartment. I have a small patio but it was ridiculously hot out that day and it was bubbling up the stripper (ha ha ha) and I couldn't get it off fast enough so it was gooping up. So I pulled everything back into the apartment. After awhile it got a little "wavy"...I put the ceiling fan on high and brought down my stand fan and let that go. But I didn't get the munchies or the urge to strip and/or fly. But the fumes cleared up and I took a leisurely stroll in the 100+ weather. I probably sweated it out my pores in those 10 minutes.
Now, with all that said...I would never do it. Mostly because my program requires me to be CLEAN and sober. I'm not willing to start my sobriety over just because I wonder what it feels like. And besides...who can afford the good shit anymore?
I really wanted to get high. Just to say I had. And to know what other people were talking about. But I have never really inhaled smoke. I went through a phase where I carried a pack of cigarettes with me when I went out to bars. And I sucked in a lot of smoke. But I never really inhaled. I had no idea how to do that without looking like a poser. So I just swished it around in my mouth and tried to look cool when I let it gush out of my mouth after an appropriate amount of time.
Back in February I had a cigarette and about lost my lunch....or dinner to be precise, it was in the evening! I actually inhaled on this one and GAG....I was light headed, and not in a good "I'm getting HIGH" way but in a if this ride keeps going around, I'm going to make a deposit on the side of your car....so no more smoking for me. Which saves me money I would have spent on cigarettes I would never smoke but I had been thinking about it...I think about a lot of things when wrapped around money. Assuming I'll just pick "this" up and it won't be too expensive. This time I looked down the path and saw all the $3 packs PLUS the Kleenex I would have to buy for the coughing fits that have me burping up snot. And the whitening kits for my teeth. Then there is the coffee habit that seems to come with the smokes. Lung replacement - you can't just pick that up anywhere! Pretty expensive if you think about it.
But maybe acid? A little cocaine? I say this purely because I've never even SEEN either of these in person. I didn't actually see pot until 2001. I have to admit that I was around it in 2006 a couple of times. For some reason the ex bought some from a "guy". He and a couple of friends smoked it in the garage. Again....not really exciting. None of them took their clothes off or tried to fly off the roof. They didn't even get the munchies. I even went out to get stuff, just in case. I should have been a Boy Scout because I like to be prepared!!! Yes, that makes me more of a house mom then a wife...
I think I got a little high earlier this year when I was trying to strip a piece of furniture in my apartment. I have a small patio but it was ridiculously hot out that day and it was bubbling up the stripper (ha ha ha) and I couldn't get it off fast enough so it was gooping up. So I pulled everything back into the apartment. After awhile it got a little "wavy"...I put the ceiling fan on high and brought down my stand fan and let that go. But I didn't get the munchies or the urge to strip and/or fly. But the fumes cleared up and I took a leisurely stroll in the 100+ weather. I probably sweated it out my pores in those 10 minutes.
Now, with all that said...I would never do it. Mostly because my program requires me to be CLEAN and sober. I'm not willing to start my sobriety over just because I wonder what it feels like. And besides...who can afford the good shit anymore?
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Horoscope for 09/02/10
This was my horoscope for today....
When the day is spent, you'll look back on it as a most unusual one, Shannon. Wild ideas sprouted in your head like mushrooms on a fertile marsh. You may have imagined leaving immediately for a trip around the world, or drawn up preliminary plans for an innovative housekeeping invention, or visualized an entirely new career in the virtual-reality business. Don't dismiss these ideas as totally unrealistic. They are not...
I don't think mushrooms on a fertile marsh is very sexy...But in my world? This would be considered DELUSIONAL and I'd have to take extra pills....and not the mushroom type of "pills"
When the day is spent, you'll look back on it as a most unusual one, Shannon. Wild ideas sprouted in your head like mushrooms on a fertile marsh. You may have imagined leaving immediately for a trip around the world, or drawn up preliminary plans for an innovative housekeeping invention, or visualized an entirely new career in the virtual-reality business. Don't dismiss these ideas as totally unrealistic. They are not...
I don't think mushrooms on a fertile marsh is very sexy...But in my world? This would be considered DELUSIONAL and I'd have to take extra pills....and not the mushroom type of "pills"
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Anger
Years ago, I would never have thought to tell people that I was angry. First, I just didn't recognize the feeling anger. I had stamped my feelings down so much that I could recognize sadness, which never ended in tears; I was too strong for that. Sometimes contempt. Never content, happy, joyous, and free. Just kind of neutral. Numb is probably a better word for it.
But about 3 years ago I entered the program and I was furious. I hated; HATED people. I hated what they wore, what they said; how they tried to hug me....back the fuck off, people. No touchy....you will leave with a limp.
People tiptoed around me because I would lash out at any given thing that I felt was an offense. And it could just be that you are sitting there. Because, God Damn it, that was MY spot. I mean really....I used to succumb to this red tinged attitude. I would go off and not even really know what it was about. I'd lose my cool, as they would say.
A friend of mine says that he has 2 modes...off or go off. That kind of summed me up. Most of the time I was just OFF.
Now? I get angry, but in appropriate ways. Sometimes. I'm in touch with my anger now and I seem to simmer at an even "bitch" level. For the most part I keep my mouth and feelings to myself. I understand that need for diplomacy. And I'm pretty good about how to word my frustrations. I can control that rage. Now, I have outlets. I "talk" about my anger.
But when I get really angry?I go looking for a dark corner to bring you to and hell is coming with me.
But about 3 years ago I entered the program and I was furious. I hated; HATED people. I hated what they wore, what they said; how they tried to hug me....back the fuck off, people. No touchy....you will leave with a limp.
People tiptoed around me because I would lash out at any given thing that I felt was an offense. And it could just be that you are sitting there. Because, God Damn it, that was MY spot. I mean really....I used to succumb to this red tinged attitude. I would go off and not even really know what it was about. I'd lose my cool, as they would say.
A friend of mine says that he has 2 modes...off or go off. That kind of summed me up. Most of the time I was just OFF.
Now? I get angry, but in appropriate ways. Sometimes. I'm in touch with my anger now and I seem to simmer at an even "bitch" level. For the most part I keep my mouth and feelings to myself. I understand that need for diplomacy. And I'm pretty good about how to word my frustrations. I can control that rage. Now, I have outlets. I "talk" about my anger.
But when I get really angry?I go looking for a dark corner to bring you to and hell is coming with me.
I'm drinking...
Horrible picture quality - my cell phone sucks
On average, I will go to Quik Trip maybe every other day. I will always go in with at least 1 drink I'm going to get. Usually Diet Coke. But ultimately, every time, I'll throw in an additional drink. One of the smoothies. Both of them in a 52oz cup. Let's take a moment and digest that.
That is 104 oz of liquid that I will drink/slurp down in about 4 hours. Usually less....Because I very rarely get through a whole work day without going for one or two more sodas. Either from the vending machine or brought from home. And it's the bottles. No cans. Don't like the metallic taste.
I think this classifies me as "having an issue". I'm hooked on this stuff.
Unfortunately my dealer doesn't deliver. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE Quik Trip. I really do. But at $2.80 a pop, it starts to get a little expensive. You look at it as a daily total, not that big. But put it into context and you get about $34 a month. That's some majore money for drinking 104 ounces three times a week. I'm QT's favorite junkie!
In resaurants, I'll go through 4 - 5 glasses of water/tea/soda. I honestly feel bad for servers because they constantly have to bring me more drinks. And I seem to be the only one that does that. I've tried to pace myself but I honestly drink more then I eat. It's crazy.
At home, I'll go through about 2 more 52oz glasses (these are used ones from QT). Typically it's iced tea or some Crystal Light packets. And I'll take one of those 52oz cups to bed with me. I'll drink on it overnight and use it for my pills in the morning. I very rarely finish the whoe 52oz. So you may ask why I don't do smaller glasses? Because this is the biggest one they have. If they had a 60 oz, I'd drink a 60oz. I'm of the "bigger is definitely" better tribe. And I like my drinks in excess.
I have about 15 52 oz cups from Quik Trip in my cupboards. I have tons of straws and tons of lids. I think I might have a 44oz cup somewhere but I am not really sure 1) why I have it and 2) what I would do with it.
Suffice it to say, I need to watch my QT spending. Keep it up and I'm going to have to join a 12 step program for QT.
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